Reading List

The most recent articles from a list of feeds I subscribe to.

‘Maybe Hot Dog Will Make Wife Feel Better,’ Thinks Husband No Closer To Fixing Things

The Onion

Lockheed Martin Develops Giant Tactical Rubber Spider

The Onion

Andrew Tate Grabs Some Romanians From Airport Gift Shop

The Onion

Cardinal With 3-Foot Vertical Leap Emerges As Frontrunner In Papal Combine

The Onion

Trump Plans To Sell $5 Million Gold Card Visa To Attract Rich Foreigners

The Onion

Jeff Bezos Sends Note To Whole Foods Staff Forbidding Criticism Of Grapes

The Onion

Man Spits Out Blood While Flossing Like Battered Prizefighter In Championship Bout

The Onion

RFK Jr. Vows To Make Measles Deaths So Common They Won’t Be Upsetting Anymore

The Onion

Department Of Education Sternly Announces It Is Counting To 3

The Onion

All Of The Changes Coming To Starbucks

The Onion

Study Finds Revving Corvette Outside Her Office Best Way To Show Ex What She’s Missing

The Onion

AARP Wondering If Anyone Will Notice Kathy Bates On Cover For 9th Issue In Row

The Onion

Mitch McConnell Won’t Seek Reelection In 2026

The Onion

Rest Of Party Thanks Fucking God 2 Guys Who Like Etymology Found Each Other

The Onion

Man Feels Like Whole Life Just Endless Cycle Of Work, Eat, Sleep, Get Abducted By Aliens

The Onion

Pope Francis Left In Hot Popemobile

The Onion

Scientists Confirm Shingleback Lizards Only Reptiles That Mate For Sake Of Aging Mothers

The Onion

Aliveness Of Baby Quintuple-Checked Before Texting New Parents Congratulations

The Onion

Virtually Imperceptible Facial Expression Sends Shock Wave Through ‘White Lotus’ Fan Base

The Onion

Elon Musk Holds Office-Wide Contest To Guess How Many Sperm In Cup

The Onion