Reading List

The most recent articles from a list of feeds I subscribe to.

Teenagers Explain What It's Like Partying With Matt Gaetz

The Onion

FTC Bans Noncompete Clauses

The Onion

HVAC Technician Confirms Random Clanking Noise Just Normal Sound Of Pervert’s Erection Hitting Metal Duct

The Onion

Hundreds Of Teenage Shoplifters Run Away With State Of Nebraska

The Onion

Students Across U.S. Protest Israel-Hamas War

The Onion

Report: Bench Near Piano Secretly Hiding Books About Music

The Onion

Disappointed Phish Fans Expected More From Sphere Visuals Than Projection Of Band’s Website URL

The Onion

U.S. Animation Studios May Have Unknowingly Outsourced Work To North Korea

The Onion

Wild St. Peter’s Basilica Crowd Tosses Around Inflatable Crucifix

The Onion

Female Athletes React To Nike’s Revealing Olympic Uniforms

The Onion

Billionaire’s Guest House Oasis

The Onion

Harvard Demolishes Library Covered In Human Skin

The Onion

Man Stops One Oreo Short Of Successfully Eating Away Problems

The Onion

Taylor Swift Drops ‘The Tortured Poets Department’

The Onion

Trump Held In Contempt Of Court After Stabbing Michael Cohen To Death With Ballpoint Pen

The Onion

Damning New Report Finds Someone Not Wearing The Shirt Wife Picked Out For Them

The Onion

Walmart Baby Registry Questionnaire Includes Checkbox For Whether Or Not Pregnancy Forced

The Onion

Tearful God Admits To Kidnapping Humanity 4,000 Years Ago To Raise As Own Children

The Onion

Report: Your Mother A Sexual Creature

The Onion

Tesla Fans Explain Why Elon Musk Deserves $56 Billion Payout

The Onion