Reading List

The most recent articles from a list of feeds I subscribe to.

Bar Breathes Collective Sigh Of Relief As Drunk Guy With Obnoxious Laugh Gets Really Invested In His Phone

The Onion

Petco Announces All Human-Pig Hybrids On Clearance

The Onion

Youngest Brother’s Reputation Among Family Still Just The One Who Threw Scissors At Mom

The Onion

Olympic Torch Begins Tour Across France

The Onion

Woman Nervous About Introducing Parents To Lousy Lay

The Onion

RFK Jr. Claims He Had Parasitic Worm In Brain

The Onion

Florida’s Near-Total Abortion Ban By The Numbers

The Onion

Senators Seek To Curtail Facial Recognition Software In Airports

The Onion

$18 Mocktail Satisfies Craving To Waste Money

The Onion

Kamala Harris Plays Hooky To Sit In ‘Price Is Right’ Studio Audience

The Onion

Trump Drapes Jacket Over Head So Nobody Can Tell He’s Sleeping In Court

The Onion

Boy Scouts Of America Changes Name To Scouting America

The Onion

Trump vs. Biden On Free Speech

The Onion

Trump Helps Pay Legal Bills With New Gig As CNN Contributor

The Onion

Bernie Sanders To Seek Reelection

The Onion

Family Can’t Even Be Mad At Dad After Seeing Heartbreaking Attempts At Cheating

The Onion

For Sale By Owner Who’s In Way Over His Head

The Onion

Columbia University Cancels Commencement Amid Protests

The Onion

Ayahuasca-Tripping God Underwhelmed To See Himself

The Onion

Police Department Defends Decision To Buy Entire Fleet Of 1967 Ferraris

The Onion