Pete Hegseth Faces Difficult Confirmation Hearing

The Onion

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Elderly Man Sets Sights On Big Chair 

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Corporate Security Detail Not Sure Why They Guarding Crock-Pot CEO

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Special Counsel Jack Smith Resigns

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Target Losing Market Share As More Americans Opt To Forgo All Earthly Possessions

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Sun Unsure What It Has To Do To Get Humans To Worship It Again

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Trump Suggests Changing Name Of Gulf Of Mexico

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Tips For Supporting New Parents

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Historic Wildfires Ravage Los Angeles

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JD Vance Begins To Suspect There Another Group Chat

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Distressing Survey Finds Most U.S. Citizens Unable To Name All 340 Million Americans

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Artist Profile: SZA

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First U.S. Bird Flu Death Reported

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Elite Commando Sick Of Unseen Assailants Darting Through Fog To Quietly Dispatch Team One By One

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Biden Wanders Into Flames

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U.S. Mint Introduces New Controversial John Wilkes Booth Pennies

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At Least Child Laborer Not Staring At iPad All Day

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Meta To End Fact-Checking

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Jealous Trump Throws Own State Funeral To Upstage Carter’s

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Gavin Newsom Spotted Dining At Smoldering Remains Of Nobu

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