After decades in the House of Representatives, Rep. Nancy Pelosi (D-CA) has announced she will not seek reelection next year. The Onion looks back at the former House speaker’s life and career.  1940 Born in Baltimore with mark of the gavel on her forearm. 1961 Poses for photo with President John F. Kennedy at inaugural […]

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SEATTLE—In an effort that was intended to be subtle but was clearly targeted, local cat Arlo reportedly followed pet owner Joshua Rice around his apartment Friday like a racist Walgreens employee making sure a customer wasn’t going to steal anything. “That asshole thinks he’s being discreet, but I can see him staring at me as […]

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Churches are deploying AI-powered chatbots that let users “text with Jesus,” tailor spiritual guidance, and engage with faith-based characters. What do you think?

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Sydney Sweeney, star of the new boxing film Christy, is once again at the center of controversy after the biopic flopped at the box office. The Onion sat down with Sweeney to discuss art, dating, and handling criticism. The Onion : How are you dealing with the backlash to your jeans ad? Sweeney: I’m struggling with […]

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WASHINGTON—Responding to recent revelations suggesting the prominent economist was a close associate of the late child sex trafficker Jeffrey Epstein, a devastated nation reportedly joined together to wail “No! Not Larry Summers!” on Thursday. “Oh please God, not Bill Clinton’s treasury secretary Larry Summers!” said visibly distraught Iowa resident Carrie Pritchard, who echoed the sentiment […]

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