LOS ANGELES—Accusing the competition series of “blatant favoritism,” Dancing With The Stars fans took to social media Tuesday to criticize the show for allowing contestant Whitney Leavitt to use an extra pair of legs. “How in the world did Whitney get not two, but four different legs to use during her performance?” Dancing With The […]

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With the festive season upon us and our hearts filled with the reality that we’ve never been so isolated and alone, The Onion offers an extensive guide featuring tips and tricks for preparing an unforgettable annual feast to create a completely miserable dining experience for one. STEP 1 Leave your ex-wife a long, meandering voicemail. […]

The post Holiday Cooking For One appeared first on The Onion.

WASHINGTON—Calling the national crisis “a complete justification” for additional airstrikes on boats purportedly trafficking narcotics, the Pentagon issued a statement Tuesday blaming Venezuela for the flow of drugs into Kash Patel. “Day after day, Venezuela’s violent cartels smuggle illicit narcotics across the border and into our country’s FBI director,” said Defense Secretary Pete Hegseth, adding […]

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The U.S. government issued new guidance that would deny visas to applicants with certain chronic health conditions such as diabetes or obesity if they may pose a financial burden on public resources. What do you think?

The post New Rules Would Deny Visas To Those With Chronic Health Conditions appeared first on The Onion.

NEW YORK—Faced with backlash against comments she made last week downplaying the sex trafficking crimes of Jeffrey Epstein, an anxious Megyn Kelly appeared on her podcast Monday waiting for everyone else to start condoning pedophilia too. “I can’t be the only person who thinks having sex with a teenager isn’t all that bad, so don’t […]

The post Megyn Kelly Anxiously Waits For Everyone Else To Start Condoning Pedophilia Too appeared first on The Onion.