Reading List

The most recent articles from a list of feeds I subscribe to.

Oprah Pursues Dr. Phil On Ship Through Arctic

THE ARCTIC CIRCLE—With a vow to destroy the abomination she had created if it was the last thing she ever did, television host Oprah Winfrey has spent weeks on a ship pursuing Dr. Phil through the Arctic, sources reported Tuesday. Sailors aboard the vessel confirmed that while Winfrey appeared ill and exhausted from continuous exposure […]

The post Oprah Pursues Dr. Phil On Ship Through Arctic appeared first on The Onion.

JD Vance Reminded To Use White House Service Entrance

WASHINGTON—During a confrontation in which it was firmly reiterated that the front entrance was for approved personnel only, Vice President JD Vance was once again reminded by White House security to use the service door, sources confirmed Tuesday.  “Whoa, whoa, whoa, stop right there. You know the rule. You’ll need to use the service entrance […]

The post JD Vance Reminded To Use White House Service Entrance appeared first on The Onion.

Quentin Tarantino Slams Paul Dano As Worst Actor On Wikifeet

LOS ANGELES—In a shockingly personal attack on the actor’s arches, filmmaker Quentin Tarantino made comments Friday slamming Paul Dano as the worst actor on Wikifeet. “Paul Dano’s got the weakest soles on Wikifeet,” Tarantino said during a podcast appearance, calling Dano’s feet “nasty, gnarled stompers” compared to a peer like Austin Butler’s “gorgeous, five-star tootsies.” […]

The post Quentin Tarantino Slams Paul Dano As Worst Actor On Wikifeet appeared first on The Onion.

Malaysia Bans Social Media For Children Under 16

Starting in 2026, Malaysia will ban social media accounts for anyone under 16, joining other countries such as Australia in imposing digital age limits. What do you think?

The post Malaysia Bans Social Media For Children Under 16 appeared first on The Onion.

Japanese Company Unveils Human Washing Machine

A Japanese tech firm has developed a capsule-style human washing machine, which is able to automatically wash and dry a person. What do you think?

The post Japanese Company Unveils Human Washing Machine appeared first on The Onion.