Reading List

The most recent articles from a list of feeds I subscribe to.

White House   Maid Shrieks After Spotting    Melania  On Ceiling

WASHINGTON—Expressing horror as an unidentified slimy substance dripped on her shoulder from above, White House maid Carla Ovares reportedly shrieked Tuesday after spotting first lady Melania Trump on the ceiling of the Executive Residence. “What on earth is that clicking sound? Oh my God, ahhhhhh!” Ovares screamed in terror, dropping a vase she had been dusting […]

The post White House   Maid Shrieks After Spotting    Melania  On Ceiling appeared first on The Onion.

CDC Figures It Easier To Start Tracking People Without Measles

ATLANTA—As the agency struggles to manage a measles caseload that has erupted to its largest size in decades, the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention stated Monday that at this point, it would probably make more sense to start tracking people without the disease.   Citing recent data that showed U.S. vaccination rates had dropped below […]

The post CDC Figures It Easier To Start Tracking People Without Measles appeared first on The Onion.

Self-Conscious Sumo Wrestler Wears White T-Shirt Into Ring

The post Self-Conscious Sumo Wrestler Wears White T-Shirt Into Ring appeared first on The Onion.

Study: 20% Of Urinary Tract Infections Caused By Contaminated Meat

A new study found that about one in five urinary tract infections can be traced to E. coli-contaminated meat. What do you think?

The post Study: 20% Of Urinary Tract Infections Caused By Contaminated Meat appeared first on The Onion.

Mike Johnson: ‘My Christian Faith Is More About Not Jacking Off Than Feeding The Poor’

The post Mike Johnson: ‘My Christian Faith Is More About Not Jacking Off Than Feeding The Poor’ appeared first on The Onion.