Reading List

The most recent articles from a list of feeds I subscribe to.

Greta Sampson and Arnold White

Both bride and groom knew working with a matchmaker would be a waste of time, but they were determined to get their money’s worth no matter what.

The post Greta Sampson and Arnold White appeared first on The Onion.

Report: Music’s Power To Unite, Heal Down 74%

WASHINGTON—Indicating a downward trend across all genres, a new report from the Recording Industry Association of America released Thursday found that music’s power to bridge divides and lift spirits had dropped 74%. “After this latest dip in its capacity to unify, we can no longer recommend music as a reliable means of bringing people together,” said […]

The post Report: Music’s Power To Unite, Heal Down 74% appeared first on The Onion.

Trump Launches $88 Billion Fund For Anyone Who Has Ever Been Rejected By Woman

WASHINGTON—Declaring the money long overdue compensation for some of the nation’s most persecuted individuals, President Donald Trump announced an $88 billion fund Tuesday specifically appropriated to any man ever rejected by a woman. “At long last, there will be justice for every man in America who was very unfairly told no,” said the president, noting […]

The post Trump Launches $88 Billion Fund For Anyone Who Has Ever Been Rejected By Woman appeared first on The Onion.

Kash Patel Under Fire For Using FBI Jet To Blow-Dry Hair

WASHINGTON—Drawing intense scrutiny for what opponents have characterized as misuse of agency resources, FBI director Kash Patel came under fire Tuesday for using an FBI jet to blow-dry his hair. “On numerous occasions, Kash Patel has inappropriately utilized a government-funded Gulfstream jet to add shine and smoothness to his hair after a shower,” said Illinois Sen. […]

The post Kash Patel Under Fire For Using FBI Jet To Blow-Dry Hair appeared first on The Onion.

Recycillogical

The post Recycillogical appeared first on The Onion.