The post Barry Bonds Reveals Asterisk Has Spread Throughout Body appeared first on The Onion.

A Kentucky woman who was expecting a delivery of medicine instead mistakenly received a box containing severed human hands and fingers that were meant for surgical training use. What do you think?

The post Woman Mistakenly Receives Box Of Human Hands, Fingers appeared first on The Onion.

Last week, President Trump discussed the possibility of running for a third term in 2028, despite the 22nd Amendment’s prohibition on being elected to the office more than twice. The Onion examines the pros and cons of a third Trump term. PRO Newly awakened coma patients will always know who the president isCheaper than putting […]

The post Pros And Cons Of A 3rd Trump Term appeared first on The Onion.

PITTSBURGH—Noting that conversations with the veteran signal-caller had become more perplexing than ever, sources close to Aaron Rodgers confirmed Wednesday that the Pittsburgh Steelers quarterback was now clearly just taking his personal beliefs from various commercials he’d seen. “Aaron’s always been a pretty opinionated guy, but lately every time he expresses a viewpoint, I feel […]

The post Aaron Rodgers Clearly Now Just Taking Beliefs From Commercials He’s Seen appeared first on The Onion.

New Mexico will become the first U.S. state to offer free child care to all residents regardless of income, saving families up to about $12,000 per child each year. What do you think?

The post New Mexico Becomes First State To Offer Free Child Care appeared first on The Onion.