Two Cornell students killed a 120-pound black bear before bringing its carcass into a communal kitchen in their dormitory to skin and process it, with the undergrads having valid hunting licenses and not appearing to run afoul of the law. What do you think?

The post Cornell Students Skin, Butcher Dead Bear In Dorm appeared first on The Onion.

This house has a great porch and gets plenty of natural light, but if you’re going to spend 12 hours a day on Reddit, it doesn’t really matter. Reference #57893

The post As Good A Place To Become Embroiled In Conspiracy Theories As Any appeared first on The Onion.

So one bright morning around nine, sunlight streaming through her mini-blinds, your ol’ pal Jean rolled out of bed (literally!), slurped a mug of piping hot cocoa, and chowed down on the last of the two-day-old day-old cinnamon rolls, took a nice hot shower, and logged on to her sorta trusty PC. The monitor read […]

The post Jean’s Own Goals appeared first on The Onion.

NEW YORK—In an effort to relieve public concern over the thousands of footballs that go missing every season, an internal report by the National Football League confirmed Friday that the majority of fumbles were recovered within the first 48 hours. “Looking at our history all the way back to 1920, it has thankfully been very […]

The post Report Finds Majority Of Fumbles Recovered Within First 48 Hours appeared first on The Onion.

NEW YORK—Insisting your fate was sealed the moment you clicked the link, a report released Tuesday found that you will be fired for reading this headline about Charlie Kirk. “Shortly after you navigated to this article, your IP address was logged and your supervisor approved the decision to remove you from your position,” the report […]

The post Report: You To Be Fired For Reading This Headline About Charlie Kirk appeared first on The Onion.