The post Harrison Ford Glares With Exhaustion As Disney Pitches Resurrecting Han Solo With Cybernetic Torso appeared first on The Onion.

LONDON—Receiving the warning shortly after first-round matches got underway at Wimbledon, tennis player Daniil Medvedev was issued a code violation Monday for an un-British display of emotion. “Code violation, Medvedev, for verbally expressing frustration,” said chair umpire Oliver Gladwin-Taylor, reminding both players that they must “keep things stoic” after Medvedev audibly sighed and slightly shook his […]

The post Wimbledon Player Issued Violation For Un-British Display Of Emotion appeared first on The Onion.

Midwestern corn crops are releasing vast amounts of moisture into the air, known as “corn sweat”, which, combined with rising temperatures and expanded planting, is fueling increasingly sticky summer humidity. What do you think?

The post Sweaty Corn Making Summer More Humid appeared first on The Onion.

While it can be fun to spend the summer days outdoors with your furry friends, it’s important to remember that animals are highly susceptible to the dangers of extreme temperatures. Here are The Onion’s tips for keeping your pets safe in hot weather.  Make sure they only wear loose, cotton fur. Limit their alcohol intake. […]

The post Tips For Keeping Pets Safe In Hot Weather appeared first on The Onion.

WASHINGTON—In a provocative 6-3 decision, the Supreme Court ruled Monday that everyone’s a damn critic these days. “It is this court’s opinion that apparently everyone has their own ideas about how this court should operate and is not shy about sharing their views—even when no one asks,” Chief Justice John Roberts wrote in his 10-page […]

The post Supreme Court Rules 6-3 That Everyone A Damn Critic appeared first on The Onion.