WASHINGTON—Saying they saw no reason to limit any potential agricultural use of the flammable combination of gelling agents and gasoline, officials at the U.S. Environmental Protection Agency approved napalm as a pesticide Friday. “Following a thorough review, the EPA has found that napalm, with its ability to burn at temperatures exceeding 2,000 degrees Fahrenheit, is highly […]

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ORLANDO, FL—In an effort to attract first-time clientele and bring back old fans, Italian American restaurant chain Olive Garden unveiled its new “We Invented Spaghetti” slogan Friday during a call with investors. “We want Americans to know that when you’re at Olive Garden, you’re not just getting a delicious meal at an unbeatable price, you’re also […]

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NEW YORK—Urging audiences to see his new film on the biggest screen possible, Disclosure Day director Steven Spielberg claimed in an interview Friday that IMAX provided the best way to experience Josh O’Connor’s soulful yet vulnerable eyes. “In order for you to feel swept away in those deep emerald pools the way I intended, you […]

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More than 26 million U.S. children attend summer camp every year. The Onion examines the pros and cons of sending your kids to overnight camp. PRO Opportunity to make friends from different gated communities  Forces bed-wetters to get their shit together Grants parents much-needed private arguing time Bee sting EpiPen was going to expire in […]

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A recent poll found that only 66% of Americans claim that a democratically elected government is important to the United States’ national identity, with those aged 18-29 reporting the lowest belief in U.S. democracy’s centrality at only 51%. What do you think?

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