SACRAMENTO, CA—Following an extended series of failed attempts, Friday night’s matchup between the New Orleans Pelicans and the Sacramento Kings reportedly ended with neither team’s players proving able to recover a tipoff. According to sources in attendance, both the 25-52 Pelicans and the 20-57 Kings failed to gain possession of the opening jump ball and […]

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BURBANK, CA—In an effort to determine whether they needed to cease production immediately or if the film’s title simply sounded familiar, Marvel Studios reportedly called an emergency meeting Friday after concerns were raised that they had already made one called Avengers: Doomsday. “All right, gentlemen, quickly—name as many Avengers films as you can,” said company president Kevin Feige, who sat […]

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DENVER—Growing increasingly frantic as the mobs of exuberant preteens flooded from their bunks into the state of Colorado beyond, local Christian camp director Alan Mullins reportedly panicked Friday after noticing his conversion therapy device had been set to reverse. “Dear Lord, they’re just getting more and more theatrical—why isn’t this lever budging?” said a visibly […]

The post Colorado Overrun With Flamboyant Children After Camp Director Notices Conversion Therapy Device Set To Reverse appeared first on The Onion.

Zara Larsson, the pop star known for “Lush Life” and “Stateside,” is currently on her 2026 Midnight Sun Tour. The Onion shares everything you need to know about the artist.  Birth Name: Zara Larsson feat. David Guetta Birthplace: Town Where Everybody Happy All The Time, Sweden Parents: Lisa Frank (mother), all four members of ABBA […]

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