LOS ANGELES—Preparing fans to jump back into the beloved world of Oz, Wicked: For Good director Jon M. Chu revealed this week that the upcoming movie would pick up right where the first branded tumbler left off. “Wicked part two is a seamless continuation of the original Target-exclusive stainless steel tumbler with detachable straw,” said […]

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More than 71 million Americans are enrolled in Medicaid for healthcare. The Onion dispels common myths surrounding the program’s new work requirements, which go into effect after next year’s midterm elections. MYTH: Most people on Medicaid already work.  FACT: Whatever. MYTH: An 80-hour-per-month work requirement is a lot.  FACT: Eighty hours of work on Earth […]

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It’s Dad’s weekend. Try to make him feel like you want to be there. Reference #19887

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CORVALLIS, OR—As he tried to avert his gaze from the stress-inducing pile of letters seeking money, local man Todd Fincher remarked Tuesday that the ransom notes on his coffee table were really beginning to pile up. “I’ve been procrastinating on these for months because I just don’t want to deal with them, and now I’ve […]

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CRAWFORD, TX—Lashing out at the overbearing former vice president seated motionless in a rocking chair by the attic window, a distraught George W. Bush shouted, “Shut up, Mother! Shut up!” at the skeleton of Dick Cheney dressed in a suit, sources confirmed Friday. “I’m not your little boy anymore, Mother, so why must you constantly […]

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