WASHINGTON—Pulling her aside at a Treasury Department event Wednesday, President Donald Trump reportedly asked hip-hop artist Nicki Minaj to explain eating ass. “Explain it to me, in the simplest terms,” said the bewildered 79-year-old president of the United States, who clasped Minaj’s hand and looked her in the eye as he urged her to enlighten him […]

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WASHINGTON—According to a report released this week by the Bureau of Labor Statistics, a record number of Americans are finding themselves forced to make ends meet by retreating into their underground laboratories and practicing alchemy. “Even though I work long hours at my warehouse job, I still won’t be able to pay the bills if […]

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NEW YORK—Perking up with excitement after spotting a customer in the process of completely humiliating himself, the entire staff of a midtown H&M store reportedly gathered Thursday to watch a man struggle to refold a shirt. “Oh my God, everyone get out of the break room—you seriously have got to see this,” said sales associate […]

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NEW YORK—Stating that they were “so proud, so, so proud,” the parents of filmmakers Josh and Benny Safdie reportedly told their sons Thursday that regardless of what the Academy says, they liked both films equally. “One nomination, nine nominations—The Smashing Machine and Marty Supreme are both movie of the year in our book,” said the filmmakers’ mother, Amy […]

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