The post George Clooney, 1,000 Paparazzi Granted French Citizenship appeared first on The Onion.

WASHINGTON—Wondering aloud about whose idea it was to make so much gebakje in the first place, bloated Americans across the nation confirmed Tuesday that they were still struggling to work their way through all of the leftover rijstevlaai from the holidays. “Don’t get me wrong, I usually can’t get enough rijstevlaai in December, but we […]

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The post To Cirrhosis With Love appeared first on The Onion.

Disney announced it will license over 200 Disney, Marvel, Pixar, and Star Wars characters for use on OpenAI’s Sora video-generating platform, with the deal also including a $1 billion investment in the AI company. What do you think?

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WASHINGTON—Amid ongoing concerns over the aging president’s medical status, health speculations reportedly swirled Monday after President Donald Trump was seen with damage numbers above his head. “Recent photos of Trump appear to show him sustaining a series of double- and triple-digit damage values during a press event, fueling rumors that his hit-point pool may be […]

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