LONDON—In response to what his lawyers characterized as “a reckless and defamatory misrepresentation” of the beloved ’90s sitcom about a small-town vicar and her eccentric parishioners, President Donald Trump threatened to sue the British Broadcasting Corporation on Monday for an allegedly misleading edit of The Vicar Of Dibley. “Given that the BBC has chosen to deliberately […]

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ARLINGTON, VA—In a finding that researchers confirmed could greatly assist in identifying potential bad actors, a study released Friday by the Department of Defense concluded that practicing kung fu naked in the mirror was the best indicator of being a domestic terrorist. “Our research determined that performing precision Shaolin kung fu while nude before a living […]

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WASHINGTON—Amid a series of sudden actions overhauling landmark federal conservation regulations, the Environmental Protection Agency issued a public statement Friday warning monarch butterflies to “count your fucking days.” EPA officials confirmed plans to roll back dozens of environmental protections for the vulnerable insect population, vowing to introduce new standards for decimating monarch habitats and saying […]

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CAIRO—Admitting he was unable to face a lengthy session of indexing artifacts after drinking too much the night before, hungover Egyptologist Henry Chapman confirmed Tuesday he was just gonna call in cursed this morning. “Listen, I don’t know what kind of hex was on that canopic jar I opened yesterday, but I’ve got a real doozy […]

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