BOSTON—In a move hailed as a breakthrough for round-the-clock gambling, sports betting company DraftKings announced Tuesday that users would now be able to place wagers directly from within their dreams. “At DraftKings, we know the action never sleeps, and you should be able to wager however—and whenever—you want, even from deep REM sleep,” CEO Jason Robins […]

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OWENSBORO, KY—Insisting that the Winter Olympic sport was “basically just lying there and letting gravity happen,” local man Michael Chou correctly declared Tuesday that he could totally compete in luge and it wouldn’t be that difficult. “Not to shit on these guys, but c’mon, if you can successfully go down a waterslide, you’ve pretty much […]

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