The NYPD arrested a 27-year-old man they accused of striking two police officers with snow and ice during a snowball fight in Washington Square Park, charging him with assaulting a police officer, obstructing governmental administration, and disorderly conduct. What do you think?

The post NYPD Arrests Man For Hitting Officers With Snowball appeared first on The Onion.

The human subconscious is such an interesting thing. No matter how much you think you’ve got it figured out, it’ll always spit out the most random stuff. Take me, for example. After coming home from a long day at the world’s most groundbreaking artificial intelligence organization, I’ll go to bed and have the weirdest dreams […]

The post Anyone Else Have Those Weird Dreams Where Sobbing Future Generations Beg You To Change Course? appeared first on The Onion.

Sure, you denied yourself many things as you scrimped and saved enough for a down payment on a home, but it’ll all be worth it when your father calls it a total dump. Reference #59893

The post 15 Years Of Saving Just For Your Dad To Call It A Shack appeared first on The Onion.

WASHINGTON—Expressing certainty that they wouldn’t make it to spring without resorting to drastic measures, the American people stated Wednesday that they had been left with no choice but to eat 35 million Canadians to survive the harsh winter.  According to sources, the United States endured below-freezing temperatures and depleted food rations for weeks before a […]

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LOS ANGELES—Urging the next generation of NBA talent to learn from his mistakes and avoid going down the wrong path, Shaquille O’Neal issued a stern warning Monday to young basketball players not to star in a movie about a genie. “When you come into the league and suddenly have all this money and fame, it’s easy […]

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