Sarah Carney, 64, died peacefully last weekend. In lieu of flowers, the family asks if you would mind picking up one of her legs and lifting her body together on the count of three.

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For those who know what “crenellated” means, like we do, this house has it (or them). Crenels here, crenels there. Just a ton of that good stuff. Reference #49308

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LAS VEGAS—Shaking his head in frustration after staff pulled yet another wriggling cottontail from the canvas mat, UFC president Dana White expressed disbelief Friday that rabbits were still somehow managing to get beneath the Octagon fence. “We’ve tried everything—chicken wire, garlic spray, motion-triggered sprinklers—but the little bastards just keep scratching their way under there,” said White, […]

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So many musicians were hired for this pair’s lavish wedding band that a new instrument had to be invented called the harmoniaphone.

The post Betty Greenberg and Stephen Harold appeared first on The Onion.

Japan deployed troops into its northern rural regions to combat a surge in bear attacks that has already killed a record 12 people since April, as experts link the crisis to climate change and rural depopulation. What do you think?

The post Japan Deploys Troops To Combat Deadly Bear Attacks appeared first on The Onion.