PALO ALTO, CA—Shouting over the sound of the alarm as it blared through the headquarters of Elon Musk’s artificial intelligence startup, panicked xAI technicians were reportedly throwing levers Monday in a frantic effort to find the one controlling Grok’s pedophilia. “Come on, everybody, it’s got to be here!” said xAI engineer Matthew Fedorov, who ran […]

The post Panicked xAI Technicians Frantically Throw Levers To Find The One Controlling Grok’s Pedophilia appeared first on The Onion.

Cameron Winter, the Geese frontman who made his solo debut with the LP Heavy Metal, has been hailed by fans as a Gen Z Leonard Cohen. The Onion shares everything you need to know about the artist. Vocal Style: A lot Biggest Musical Influence: Spotify Smart Shuffle Childhood Nickname: Future Geese frontman Cameron Winter Source […]

The post Artist Profile: Cameron Winter appeared first on The Onion.

LOS ANGELES—Addressing the show’s hotly anticipated finale at a press event this week, Stranger Things co-creators Matt and Ross Duffer admitted to reporters that they haven’t watched the series in years. “We got through most of the first season, mostly because of all the buzz it was getting, but after that we really fell off,” […]

The post Duffer Brothers Admit They Haven’t Watched ‘Stranger Things’ In Years appeared first on The Onion.

WASHINGTON—According to a nationwide crime study by the FBI’s National Incident-Based Reporting System, just over 93% of all murder cases solved by local, state, and federal police in the past 10 years were resolved by consulting the victim’s beloved pet parrot. “In some cases, the break is simple and the bird will squawk the killer’s name and […]

The post Study Finds 93% Of Murders Solved By Consulting Victim’s Pet Parrot appeared first on The Onion.

The post Why Are We Doing Dry January? appeared first on The Onion.