The post Sabrina Carpenter Sends Especially Hot Concertgoer To Fuzzy Pink Electric Chair appeared first on The Onion.

About 3,800 workers at one of the nation’s largest meatpacking plants began striking in Colorado, the first walkout at a U.S. beef slaughterhouse in four decades, with the work stoppage following accusations that the company retaliated against employees and committed other unfair labor practices during contract negotiations. What do you think?

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LOS ANGELES—Claiming it was the only place he wanted to go after receiving one of Hollywood’s highest honors, Academy Award winner for Best Live Action Short Film Jack Piatt celebrated Tuesday by taking his Oscar to his In-N-Out shift. “When I heard our film get called, there was no question in my mind—I was going […]

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BURLINGTON, VT—Voicing appreciation for the fact that the boy’s morbid obsession was at least getting him to read, local mom Hana Garrett confirmed Tuesday that everything her son Ethan got at the school book fair was about medieval torture again. “Well, that’s another $70 haul of books about breaking convicts on the wheel and dislocating […]

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The post Stephen Miller Assures Susie Wiles He Has Fridge Full Of Healthy Human Breasts appeared first on The Onion.