LOUISVILLE, KY—Expressing a mix of frustration and stunned disbelief at the woman’s lack of enthusiasm, local man Ron Broder told reporters Wednesday that the escort whose services he had solicited for the evening fell asleep during Star Wars: Episode IV—A New Hope.  The 40-year-old logistics coordinator confirmed he had paid the sex worker Misty, as […]

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The pair were wed by the captain of their cruise ship while under the mistaken impression that it would get them a free pass to the lobster buffet.

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Mega Millions players will get slightly better odds and should start seeing more billion-dollar jackpots, but at a cost with tickets for the multi-state lottery jumping in price from $2 to $5. What do you think?

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The post Report: Recession Fears Forcing More Americans To Hold Off On Retiring From Presidency appeared first on The Onion.

LOS ANGELES—Thanking everyone who had helped her make the world a more unequal and uneducated place, actress and comedian Roseanne Barr announced Monday that her illiteracy charity had snatched its 100 millionth book from a child.  Barr, an outspoken critic of childhood literacy, has spent more than 15 years working tirelessly with a nonprofit she […]

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