Reading List

The most recent articles from a list of feeds I subscribe to.

Satellite Images Reveal Drunk Father Stockpiling Fireworks

The post Satellite Images Reveal Drunk Father Stockpiling Fireworks appeared first on The Onion.

Tinder To Require Face Verification For New Users

Tinder is rolling out a mandatory Face Check feature in California, prompting users to undergo a biometric face scan to verify their identity before they can use the app. What do you think?

The post Tinder To Require Face Verification For New Users appeared first on The Onion.

WNBA To Expand Into 3 More Cities As Caitlin Clark Cloning Experiment Nears Completion

NEW YORK—Calling it a “historic moment” in women’s basketball history, the WNBA announced Wednesday that the league would expand into three more cities as its Caitlin Clark cloning experiment neared completion. “Soon, Cleveland, Detroit, and Philadelphia will reap the rewards of our effort to bioengineer several perfect replicas of Caitlin Clark,” said WNBA commissioner Cathy […]

The post WNBA To Expand Into 3 More Cities As Caitlin Clark Cloning Experiment Nears Completion appeared first on The Onion.

Report: Average American’s Retirement Plan Involves Richard Gere Falling For Them After Paying For Sex

WASHINGTON—Highlighting a growing wealth gap nationwide, the Pew Research Center published a report Wednesday that revealed the average American’s plan for retirement now involves Richard Gere falling for them after paying for sex. “Our findings suggest that the vast majority of people are now hinging their retirement on Mr. Gere spotting them on the street, […]

The post Report: Average American’s Retirement Plan Involves Richard Gere Falling For Them After Paying For Sex appeared first on The Onion.

FDA Recalls 3 Oranges To Prove They Can Juggle

SILVER SPRING, MD—Issuing a public warning for Americans to watch or they might miss out, the U.S. Food and Drug Administration reportedly recalled three navel oranges Wednesday to prove that they could juggle. “Toss ’em here,” said spokesperson John Lavietes, adding that American consumers who had recently purchased navel, Valencia, or blood oranges should not […]

The post FDA Recalls 3 Oranges To Prove They Can Juggle appeared first on The Onion.