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The post Trump Boys Bulk Up For UFC Fight By Chugging Sour Cream appeared first on The Onion.

LEAWOOD, KS—Remarking that it seemed “a tad excessive” to own more than a dozen of the recreational bouncing devices, pop star Taylor Swift reportedly urged fiancé Travis Kelce on Thursday to whittle down the number of trampolines on their wedding registry to one. “That’s a lot of trampolines, babe, and you can really only bounce on […]

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DENVER—Frustrated by his fixation on a totally irrelevant topic at the expense of issues that actually matter to Americans, numerous voters told reporters this week that congressional candidate Ted Botello was campaigning for office with no better ideas than improving the economy. “This guy won’t stop talking about how he’s going to make life more […]

The post Politician With No Better Ideas Decides To Campaign On Improving The Economy appeared first on The Onion.

CLAYMONT, DE—As part of its effort to make the popular consumer-led food safety platform kid-friendly and provide parents with tools for oversight, IWasPoisoned.com announced Friday that it was now offering teen accounts. “Starting today, new restrictions have been placed on the accounts of IWasPoisoned.com users under the age of 18, who will now need permission to […]

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