The post Keys, Spare Change Fly Out Of Luge Athlete’s Pocket On First Turn appeared first on The Onion.

Internal Department of Homeland Security documents revealed that less than 14% of the nearly 400,000 immigrants arrested by U.S. Immigration and Customs Enforcement last year had charges or convictions for violent criminal offenses. What do you think?

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The severely hungover pair woke up married Sunday morning after an alcohol-fueled six years of courtship and dating.

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The post Mom Strong Arms Cashier Into Accepting Expired Coupon appeared first on The Onion.

BOSTON—In a move hailed as a breakthrough for round-the-clock gambling, sports betting company DraftKings announced Tuesday that users would now be able to place wagers directly from within their dreams. “At DraftKings, we know the action never sleeps, and you should be able to wager however—and whenever—you want, even from deep REM sleep,” CEO Jason Robins […]

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