OWENSBORO, KY—Insisting that the Winter Olympic sport was “basically just lying there and letting gravity happen,” local man Michael Chou correctly declared Tuesday that he could totally compete in luge and it wouldn’t be that difficult. “Not to shit on these guys, but c’mon, if you can successfully go down a waterslide, you’ve pretty much […]

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YARMOUTH, ME—As he bemoaned yet another day of the same infuriating routine from one of the message board’s biggest assholes, local man Kyle Parker confirmed Friday that AmigaraEnigma_9x9, his rival on AnimeNation.com, was up to his usual horseshit. “It’s not even noon, and he’s already being a huge prick to someone who just said they […]

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The post Ron Howard Molts Baseball Cap To Grow Warmer Hat For Winter appeared first on The Onion.

CHICAGO—Seeking to expand beyond sports coverage into radical new forms and expressions, Barstool Sports announced Monday that it would soon launch Confluences, a literary journal featuring book reviews, flash fiction, and in-depth arts criticism. Representatives at the sports website told reporters that Confluences would allow Barstool staff to supplement their usual output of fantasy football […]

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You can accept a four-bed colonial for $450,000…or take your chances on the mystery house! Reference #68379

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