WASHINGTON—After manually prying his eyelids open to read from a report he had prepared on the matter, a badly swollen Robert F. Kennedy Jr. gave a speech Tuesday in which he warned that Americans were not eating enough bees. “In our survey of American dietary habits, we were alarmed to find that the vast majority of […]

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Friends and family of the betrothed traveled from near and far to learn there are no Ubers in Fair Grove, MO.

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DOVER, WI—In an incident local residents have described as more-or-less tolerable, authorities announced Friday that only two were dead in what many were calling a completely bearable tragedy. “We’re all still searching for words to talk about this loss—but the first that occurred to me were ‘small’ and ‘understandable,’” said Dover Police Chief Andrew McDonagh, who […]

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ATLANTA—In a move widely interpreted as an effort to exempt its offerings from health and safety standards, American chain restaurant Arby’s issued a statement Tuesday reclassifying its food as entertainment. “Whether it’s our Classic Beef ’N Cheddar, our Chicken Cordon Bleu, or our famous Jamocha Shake, the menu items at Arby’s are not meant to be […]

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NEW YORK—In an announcement that left fans of the 2006 original buzzing with excitement, The Devil Wears Prada 2 director David Frankel confirmed Wednesday that actor Adrien Grenier would make a cameo in the film as a corpse on the street. “We’re so pleased to have not just Anne Hathaway and Meryl Streep back, but […]

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