Reading List
The most recent articles from a list of feeds I subscribe to.
Bald Man Presses Face To Window As Thick-Haired Family Sits Down To Dinner
BOSTON—Gazing longingly at the obvious warmth and good cheer within, local bald man Frank Richmond reportedly pressed his face to a window Wednesday as a thick-haired family inside sat down to dinner. “They all seem so happy,” said Richmond, his wrinkled, naked pate offering no protection from the cold night air as he watched the smiling clan prepare for a meal by tucking their long, luxurious locks behind […]
The post Bald Man Presses Face To Window As Thick-Haired Family Sits Down To Dinner appeared first on The Onion.
CEO Motivates Self By Keeping Own Photo On Desk
NEW YORK—Saying it reminded him why he comes to work every morning, Solarion Enterprises CEO Dan Lipcot told reporters Friday that in order to stay motivated at the office, he always kept a photo of himself on his desk. “When I’m working long hours at night or on the weekend, this photo helps me to take […]
The post CEO Motivates Self By Keeping Own Photo On Desk appeared first on The Onion.
Military Recruiter Enlists Ragtag Bunch Of Teen Misfits To Die In Overseas Conflict
WASHINGTON—Expressing confidence that even the most hopeless group of outcasts could eventually be whipped into shape, Army recruiter Sgt. Paul Ackers confirmed Thursday that he was certain the ragtag bunch of teen misfits he had recently enlisted could be molded into a fighting force capable of dying in a conflict overseas. Ackers told reporters the […]
The post Military Recruiter Enlists Ragtag Bunch Of Teen Misfits To Die In Overseas Conflict appeared first on The Onion.
Mysterious Drones Spotted Over New Jersey
Mysterious drones have been hovering in the skies above New Jersey and other states in the Northeast for weeks, alarming residents and prompting lawmakers to demand answers. What do you think?
The post Mysterious Drones Spotted Over New Jersey appeared first on The Onion.
ABC Pays $15 Million To Settle Trump Defamation Suit
ABC News agreed to pay $15 million toward Donald Trump’s presidential library to settle a defamation lawsuit over anchor George Stephanopoulos’ inaccurate on-air assertion that the president-elect had been found civilly liable for raping writer E. Jean Carroll. What do you think?
The post ABC Pays $15 Million To Settle Trump Defamation Suit appeared first on The Onion.