The post Rory McIlroy Struggling To Fit Big Check Into Mobile Deposit Photo appeared first on The Onion.

AUGUSTA, GA—Saluting the illustrious sportscasters for their passionate work over the course of nearly 40 years in the Augusta National Golf Club broadcast booth, CBS officials announced Sunday that longtime commentators Captain Cooter and the Gooch would be retiring upon conclusion of the 2026 Masters Tournament. “Today marks the end of an era as we […]

The post CBS Announces Retirement Of Longtime Masters Commentators Captain Cooter And The Gooch appeared first on The Onion.

The post Nation’s Sensitive Kids Denounce NHL Goal Horns appeared first on The Onion.

The post Scottie Scheffler’s Masters Hopes Fade After He Is Swallowed By Sandworm appeared first on The Onion.

A new study revealed that sharks in the Bahamas tested positive for cocaine, caffeine, painkillers, and other substances, with such contaminants increasingly found in tourism-driven marine environments. What do you think?

The post Cocaine, Caffeine Detected In Sharks appeared first on The Onion.