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Zoe Peters died at 76 from a heart attack, assuming the medical examiner accepts her husband’s bribe.

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LOS ANGELES—Seeking to clear up any ambiguity once and for all, four-time NBA Most Valuable Player LeBron James indicated to reporters Friday which of his Los Angeles Lakers teammates are and are not, in fact, his children. “Bronny James is the only blood relative I have on the team, and a helpful way to remember […]

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THOMASVILLE, GA—Paralyzed by the weight of the choice before him, local man Sam Corrigan reportedly spent several agonizing minutes Monday deciding which of his shirts was worthy of the single wooden hanger he owns. “I mean…it should probably be something with a collar, right?” said Corrigan, quietly holding up a nice $60 button-up he got on […]

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