Secretary of State Marco Rubio ordered diplomatic correspondences to cease the use of Calibri font and revert to Times New Roman, attributing the previous change by the Biden Administration to misguided diversity initiatives. What do you think?

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TORONTO—Accusing the HBO drama of egregiously misrepresenting their experiences off the ice, the National Hockey League Players’ Association blasted Heated Rivalry Friday for what it described as incredibly unrealistic depictions of anal sex between players. “The show’s portrayals of hockey players having sex with each other are wildly misinformed, and we are disappointed by the […]

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The post Blue Drew Barrymore Could’ve Sworn She Saw James Cameron On Schedule appeared first on The Onion.

WAYNE, NE—After coming together and pooling resources to save Christmas for the town’s most impoverished family, a tight-knit Nebraska community reportedly did jack shit this week to make the holiday better for its second-poorest family. “Getting to see the smiles on the Turner kids’ faces when they realized they were going to have a merry […]

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MACKINSHAW, NE—Emphasizing that he didn’t want to seem paranoid but it was the only way he could make sense of it all, high school senior Geoffrey Lesseder stated Monday that he was starting to suspect the three school shootings he had been in might be about him. “At first I thought it was due to […]

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