This place is pretty unremarkable, but hey, it’s got a wine fridge! That’s pretty fun! Don’t worry about the foundation! Reference #68903

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WASHINGTON—Demanding viewers look upon their precious offspring or suffer dire consequences, extremist parenting organization Mamas United reportedly hijacked the airwaves Monday to broadcast photos of their children. “People of the world, we call upon you to gaze on our sweet little ones immediately—especially Brandon, who is really cute as a button in his OshKosh B’Gosh,” said […]

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According to the CDC, more than one quarter of U.S. adults suffer from seasonal allergies. The Onion shares tips for managing allergic rhinitis symptoms. Try a nasal-removal spray.  Politely ask the flowers in your neighborhood to stop blooming.  Ask ADT about their anti-ragweed security systems. Teach the trees in your area that sexual reproduction is […]

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EL RENO, OK—Explaining to the server at local restaurant Sid’s Diner that he only wanted one patty—not two—dainty little man Carlos Villarreal reportedly ordered a single cheeseburger Thursday. “Oh dear, is this delicate fellow worried a burger with double meat would upset his tender tummy?” said onlooker Miles Friedmont, wondering aloud whether Villarreal was purchasing the […]

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