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The post Hakeem Jeffries Calls For Execution Of Central Park Five appeared first on The Onion.

Heated Rivalry, a new Canadian romance series, has exploded in popularity since it premiered on HBO Max last week. Here is everything you need to know about the show. Q: What is the plot? A: Two men have a steamy sexual affair despite not being vampires or elf nobility or anything. Q: Where does it […]

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SALT LAKE CITY—With top lawmakers championing the measure as a restoration of Christian values currently under attack in mainstream America, the Utah State Legislature passed a bill Monday that bans all eye contact during sex. “Looking directly into another person’s eyes while being physically intimate is a sick and unholy act,” said Utah Gov. Spencer Cox, […]

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INDIANAPOLIS—Suggesting there were some deals even cancer researchers couldn’t say no to, a new study published Thursday by the American Society of Preventative Oncology found that processed meats were carcinogenic but were also on sale. “Our evidence indicates that while common deli items like salami, bacon, and corned beef have strong links to cancer, they […]

The post Study Finds Processed Meats Carcinogenic But They Were On Sale appeared first on The Onion.