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WASHINGTON—Saying he had finally found a military commander whose character was worthy of the U.S. Army, Defense Secretary Pete Hegseth announced Friday that he was replacing ousted top general Randy George with a horse that drinks beer. “With Dusty’s wartime promotion to Army chief of staff, we’re putting the world on notice that the days of buzzkill […]

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The post Iran Imposes New ‘Cash, Grass, Or Ass’ Fee For Strait Of Hormuz appeared first on The Onion.

KENT, WA—In an effort to attract new customers by generating more enthusiasm for space tourism among the general populace, civilian spaceflight operator Blue Origin confirmed Friday it had launched the world’s largest ball of twine into orbit around the Earth. “Many people who find the idea of space travel exciting are disappointed once they realize […]

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