BATH, ENGLAND—Saying the discovery shed new light on the infamous German dictator’s life, University of Bath researchers revealed DNA sequencing Friday showing that Adolf Hitler was a type of fern. “After analyzing genetic material taken from Hitler’s bunker and comparing it with DNA from one of his known relatives, we’ve determined with 97% certainty that […]

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WASHINGTON—Urging low-income Americans to be patient as officials worked around the clock to restore normal operation, the Supplemental Nutrition Assistance Program issued a statement Friday warning recipients that it could take days before their kidneys regained function. “As staff are reinstated and payments begin to roll out, please expect delays in filtering out impurities in […]

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WASHINGTON—Roundly criticizing the provision to outlaw many hemp products that was included in the bill to reopen the government, industry leaders warned Friday that the federal hemp ban threatened the overall identity of Evan Brucker, 32, a local guy whose whole deal pretty much begins and ends with hemp. “Congress may claim the provision only […]

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Australian researchers identified a new species of native bee with tiny horn-like projections on the female’s face, prompting comparisons to a Satanic figure. What do you think?

The post ‘Lucifer Bee’ With Devil-Like Horns Discovered In Australia appeared first on The Onion.

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