Aaron Petrov

The Onion

•   news
• satire

What’s Our Health Insurance Denying?

The Onion

• satire
•   news

Trump: Americans’ Economic Pain Not A Consideration In Iran Negotiations

The Onion

• satire
•   news

Trump Unwittingly Breaks Chinese Taboo Against Napping Facedown In Soup Bowl

The Onion

•   news
• satire

What To Know About ‘Off Campus’

The Onion

•   news
• satire

The Onion’s Exclusive Interview With JD Vance

The Onion

•   news
• satire

Tara Knox and Sean Blackwell

The Onion

• satire
•   news

Man Horrified To Find Self Seeking Community Online

The Onion

• satire
•   news

Dad Demands Youth Coach Play Unathletic Son Less

The Onion

• satire
•   news

‘Sports Illustrated’ Removes Distracting Models From Swimsuit Edition

The Onion

•   news
• satire

Zzzzzzz

The Onion

• satire
•   news

U.S. Revokes Passports Of Parents Who Owe Child Support

The Onion

• satire
•   news

Passengers From Hantavirus-Stricken Cruise Ship Return Home

The Onion

•   news
• satire

Great For Streaming TV And Jerking Off

The Onion

• satire
•   news

Stagehand Rushes Out To Bring Bruno Mars Different Pelvis For Slow Song

The Onion

•   news
• satire

Susan Westbrook

The Onion

•   news
• satire

CIA Under Fire For Arming Group Of Rowdy 7-Year-Olds

The Onion

•   news
• satire

Celtics Attempt To Lure Giannis By Announcing Payton Pritchard His Brother Now

The Onion

•   news
• satire

Gas Station Price Sign Using Scientific Notation

The Onion

•   news
• satire

Despondent Shohei Ohtani Figured He Would Have Met Steve-O After 8 Years In U.S.

The Onion

•   news
• satire