Animal Crossing has always been anti-instant gratification. By design, you have to take your time, wait for days to pass in real time, and complete a seemingly endless list of chores to build a meaningful life with your animal friends. The slowness is part of its appeal. But with New Horizons, some of that slowness […]

TALLAHASSEE, FL—In a move that supporters have called a long overdue acknowledgment of the rights that should be accorded to all infectious agents, the Florida Legislature passed HB 1637 Wednesday, a law granting viruses personhood. “Whether we’re talking about measles or hepatitis B, these are living beings who deserve our protections,” Gov. Ron DeSantis said after […]

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Sure, you can purchase this lovely, bespoke ranch house in a scenic neighborhood, but can one actually own anything on this wretched planet we call Earth? Or is everything, like this affordable dream home with a finished basement, eventually reclaimed by the elements as it withers to dust and is lost in the ever-shifting sands […]

The post Can Any House Truly Be Owned? appeared first on The Onion.

WASHINGTON—Emphasizing that he was only going to tell them this one more time, White House plumber Terry Robertson reminded staff Monday that only Donald J. Trump Commemorative Food Waste could be placed down the Donald J. Trump Commemorative Garbage Disposal. “Please, people, I’m begging you—we don’t want to clog the Donald J. Trump Commemorative Sewer […]

The post White House Plumber Reminds Staff That Only Donald J. Trump Commemorative Food Waste May Be Placed Down Donald J. Trump Commemorative Garbage Disposal appeared first on The Onion.

Katherine Doherty / Bloomberg:
The NYSE plans to use its tech that matches buyers and sellers, plus blockchain networks, to facilitate the real-time trading of tokenized securities in 2026  —  The New York Stock Exchange is building a venue using blockchain technology to allow for trading tokenized stocks and exchange-traded funds around the clock.