The bride and groom spent Sunday under the impression that they were cementing their union in the eyes of God, who unfortunately was busy watching a Frasier rerun at the time.

The post Delaney Airhart and Jack Trusler appeared first on The Onion.

LOS ANGELES—In an effort to ensure his good deed did not go unseen and unappreciated, customer Angus Helms waited until the barista was watching to disarm a gunman at Highland Ground coffee shop, sources confirmed Tuesday. “Dammit, she’s still got her head down to empty out the cash register for this guy, and if I grab […]

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LOS ANGELES—In a desperate effort to get production of the animated film sequel back on schedule, Garfield Movie 2 director Mark Dindal reportedly begged lead voice actor Chris Pratt to stop ad-libbing Bible verses Thursday. “The line is ‘Is that lasagna I smell?’ not ‘A companion of gluttons shames his father,’ ” said Dindal, storming into the […]

The post ‘Garfield’ Director Begs Chris Pratt To Stop Ad-Libbing Bible Verses appeared first on The Onion.

Crystal Tse / Bloomberg:
Kraken parent Payward agrees to buy Hong Kong-based Reap, which connects financial systems with digital assets, for $600M, and issues stock at a $20B valuation  —  The owner of crypto exchange Kraken has agreed to pay $600 million for Reap Technologies, a stablecoin-oriented provider of cross-border and business payments services.

Critical Role's Campaign 4 is heating up, and thanks to a new Beacon exclusive newsletter, fans finally get some info on the world's deities.