COLUMBIA, MO—Growing increasingly irate that the new customer base had actually made the place profitable, regulars of local dive bar The Drunken Rooster were reportedly upset Friday after the business had become popular enough to be financially solvent. “This place used to be cool and underground, man. Now they have so many people in here […]

The post Regulars Angry Dive Bar Now Popular Enough To Be Financially Solvent appeared first on The Onion.

Following Paramount Skydance's move to launch an investigation into how its upcoming Avatar Aang: The Last Airbender animated feature leaked onto the internet, a suspect has been taken into custody by police. The Straits Times reports Singaporean police have arrested a 26-year-old man who is alleged to have uploaded the new Avatar movie (previously titled […]

WASHINGTON—Lowering their sunglasses for a better look at the massive honkin’ caboose, the entire U.S. populace was reportedly enthralled Friday by an adult man with a huge, juicy ass. “That middle-aged man has an absolute bakery back there,” said Harlan Davis, 33, echoing the sentiments of 340 million Americans who could not look away from […]

The post Nation Enthralled By Adult Man With Huge Juicy Ass appeared first on The Onion.

Masks, panels, and other red light therapy devices are selling better than ever. The Onion examines the myths and facts surrounding red light therapy. MYTH: Only light with a wavelength of 630–670 nm has proven clinical efficacy. FACT: It’s okay to sneak a few 671 nm wavelengths on cheat days. MYTH: Red light therapy can […]

The post Red Light Therapy: Myth Vs. Fact appeared first on The Onion.

Xbox Game Pass added a lot of new games this month. Here are some of the best additions of April's line-up.