Raccoin tries to map Balatro's roguelike magic onto a coin pusher but doesn't walk away with the same lightning-in-a-bottle success.

Food conglomerate Nestlé said that about 12 tons of KitKats, or 413,793 candy bars, were stolen after leaving its production site in Italy, with the company stating that “the vehicle and its load are still nowhere to be found.” What do you think?

The post Over 400,000 KitKat Bars Stolen In Heist appeared first on The Onion.

The post Photo Of Unknown Child Graces Grandma’s Fridge appeared first on The Onion.

DENVER—Growing increasingly frantic as the mobs of exuberant preteens flooded from their bunks into the state of Colorado beyond, local Christian camp director Alan Mullins reportedly panicked Friday after noticing his conversion therapy device had been set to reverse. “Dear Lord, they’re just getting more and more theatrical—why isn’t this lever budging?” said a visibly […]

The post Colorado Overrun With Flamboyant Children After Camp Director Notices Conversion Therapy Device Set To Reverse appeared first on The Onion.

BURBANK, CA—In an effort to determine whether they needed to cease production immediately or if the film’s title simply sounded familiar, Marvel Studios reportedly called an emergency meeting Friday after concerns were raised that they had already made one called Avengers: Doomsday. “All right, gentlemen, quickly—name as many Avengers films as you can,” said company president Kevin Feige, who sat […]

The post Marvel Calls Emergency Meeting To Determine If They Already Made One Called ‘Avengers: Doomsday’ appeared first on The Onion.