Hidde invited me to share what my typical day looks like. I saw the chain going around and I read a few from people I know. I thought it was really interesting and I had a strange feeling of relief when I read about real humans and the fact that, actually, they are very similar to me!

It is a bit silly, but I always imagine that everyone else is constantly switched on and creating things. I mean, social media gives that illusion and my own insecurities feed it, but this pandemic really made me feel ashamed for taking it easy.

8:30 My husband's alarm goes off. But realistically, I'm usually a little bit awake since half-past six because that's the time my cat comes to check if I am awake. I also live in an area that has some traffic, so I wake up really easily with any noise. Once the alarm goes off, she starts meowing and jumping on us because she knows it is absolutely fair game. Around this time, I get up, put the collar on my cat, top-up her food and open her catflap. I hate when I don't make the bed so I usually make it around this time, have a shower and have coffee (my husband usually makes it and leaves it on my desk).

I usually have my coffee while checking my emails, social media, RSS feed and the news but many times I take the coffee outside and go to my garden. Around this time I check if we were visited by foxes or other cats during the night, examine how my flower bed is doing and just look at my cat wandering around and smelling things.

9:30 Work starts around this time. I share what I did the day before, what I'm going to do today and, if I need something from someone on the team, this is usually the moment I let everyone know in advance so that they can plan their work too. But most importantly, I tell people what I dreamt the night before!

We also do team updates on video calls, but since we already shared our day, we usually do fun and informal conversations. If I had a really incredible dream (which is very often by the way), I don't write it out and this is the moment where everyone is forced to listen to it.

A great part of the morning is spent on calls (either with teammates or clients) but that actually works for me as I need some time to get into productive mode.

13:00 I try to use my lunch break for a quick walk in the common. Sometime last year, I completely lost my appetite and energy to think about lunch so I normally grab a quick and small bite and do more frequent fruit snacks during the day instead. I don't recommend this. Sometimes I also use this walk to run some quick errands. I usually listen to music that makes me want to sing and think about how much I miss karaoke with friends.

If the weather isn't great, I use this time to write on my drafts and jot down thoughts that I would like to maybe one day convert into a blog post.

14:00 Work time. This is usually my most focused time. Similar to Cassie, I have lots of herbal tea and listen to music that helps me focus. I personally use Noizio or my own playlist with my favourite music from The Rasmus. I explored this before: I usually focus really well if I am listening to music that brings me positive nostalgia, especially if I am doing a complicated task. Probably placebo, but I will not fight against it.

Some days, my anxiety and feelings from "life happens" creep in and I end up feeling extremely guilty for not being super productive. I try to catch up on work whenever I can so sometimes I feel like I did 8 hours of work in one afternoon. Other times... not so much.

18:00 I try to wrap up around this time and turn off my laptop. Halfway through last year I felt incredibly burned out from constantly being on my laptop at home so unless I am on a tight deadline, I will turn off my computer. There is also another exception: every other Wednesday, there's Homebrew Website Club, so from this time on, I try to write or work on my blog and then participate in the call.

From this moment on, I close the cat's catflap, take off her collar, play with her (she demands it like a dog!), do some home admin, check out my indoor plants (especially my Venus Fly Trap and whatever I'm trying to get roots from in a jar of water) and call my family.

19:00 Cooking and dinner time! My husband and I take turns in cooking. I feel more adventurous to try new recipes on Fridays and Saturdays - in case it goes wrong, there's always a takeaway option. And the cat also has her dinner!

I light up whatever candle I have in progress (I love candles), we chat about work, do the dishes and usually end the evening watching series together. This is also the time I ask my husband to read things I've written. We have a couple of shows "in progress". I know I am ten years too late, but we're now watching Breaking Bad. I prefer to watch films on the weekends.

While we watch things, I do some knitting. I'm currently doing a summer cardigan!

21:30 Around this time, I start getting ready for bed. First things first: pick up the cat's litter box. Then, my sort of inefficient yet harmless, skincare routine. I have extremely sensitive skin and once I find a product that doesn't cause an allergic reaction, I will not switch.

One of my solid routines is telling the cat "come to bed Jessie" and see her running past me and jump on the bed to her sleeping area (yes, she has a sleeping nest that I do for her on the bed).

I wish I could say I have an inspiring adult way of going to bed: but no. I do use my phone. And I do watch some TikToks. I also catch up on some things I bookmarked during the day that I wanted to revisit when I had more time.

Despite going to bed quite early (and eventually putting my phone down!), I struggle to fall asleep. My mind goes to a lot of places.

Other random facts:

• My favourite day is Thursday because it is rubbish day and I love taking the rubbish out.
• I miss the gym every day. I hate exercising at home and I don't like exercising. I see it as a task and because it is an unpleasant task, I will not do it if I have to do it at home. I need the gym to feel accountability. I also don't like running.
• Saturday is the day I catch up on the shows that my husband and I don't watch together (he does the same).
• I also play Fantasy Football so, Fantasy Football deadlines are a thing for me (along with knowing the scores).
• I run an Instagram page for my cat, so recently, I've been trying to snap a photo of her and post it.

At first, I was afraid that this chain would create some "productivity shame". I truly hope that at least my post doesn't. I struggle a lot many days. This pandemic hasn't been easy on anyone. January was, personally, a devastating month for me - if anyone judges me for the lack of content I put out there, then that's a problem with their unrealistic and false expectations.

My husband, my cat, my plants, my little journals, my candles, my friends and family are what's bringing me comfort these times.

Whatever you're doing, please do it for yourself. Realistically, nobody is expecting anything from anyone.

I'd love to see the chain going and reading more from more people. I'd like to invite Calum, Suze and Carol to share theirs if they want to.

Have a good weekend folks!

Every once in a while I realise that I have been rejected for something I didn’t even apply for.

A couple of jobs ago, I was in the common area having lunch when a work colleague asked me if I had a Twitter account. “Yes”, I replied and told him my Twitter handle. I saw him scrolling on his phone and, after a minute, he looked at me and said: “wow, you don’t post anything about tech” whilst frowning. I don’t remember if I replied but I do remember, a few minutes later, checking my phone and noticing he didn’t follow me. It wasn’t that this person didn’t follow me, it was that this person actively looked up my profile, scrolled through, then voiced their disappointment in me out loud and “rejected” me.

I felt embarrassed and judged and it was an interaction that I never forgot. I internalised that interaction so hard that, six years after, it still bothers me and makes me judge my own social media activity from the “tech gaze” point of view.

Realistically, I understand that my feed (and me as a person) will not please everybody but this wasn’t really a stranger. This was someone who worked closely with me and, unsolicitedly, judged me and rejected me.

The unsolicited rejection was a frequent thing growing up as a woman but lately, it has taken a new form as I became a bit more active in the tech community.

Recently, I received a Twitter notification saying that I was tagged in a tweet. A wonderful friend of mine replied to someone who was asking recommendations for blog articles and the person asking was someone with quite a big following and, I suppose, popularity.

I was truly flattered that my friend thought of me, of all people, and I got a little bit excited at the idea that someone who is respected in the community could read what I wrote and appreciate it.

But nothing happened. Not even a “like” from the original poster. I felt embarrassed. Heck, I felt embarrassed that I noticed that it didn’t even get a “like”. I thought I was cooler than that. I wondered what happened. Did they click my blog post and thought “what a load of crap”? I felt a new flavour of shame that I wasn’t unfamiliar with but until that point, I couldn’t really explain it.

This had happened before when I am tagged in tweets that ask people to suggest “women in tech” to follow. Not that I am tagged frequently (at all), but the few times that I am, that has never resulted in a new follower. Did the original poster see my profile and thought “wow she sucks”? In the back of my mind, I’m always reminded of that interaction I had six years ago. I imagine someone perusing through my profile and thinking that I am not qualified.

When these types of tweets came out, I was flattered that someone thought of me. But the mental note still existed: someone rejected me when I didn’t even ask for it.

On the other hand, I understand now that many of these tweets are clout chasers. They are written by, usually, men, who want to do some performative work to pretend they care about diversifying their timeline. By having a popular tweet, and because a lot of people interacted with it in good faith, the social media algorithm works in their favour to promote their own account while also getting “ally” points. I’m sure they mute their own tweet immediately after posting it. This might explain it, but the rejection is still there.

When my inner critic is on and ready to hurt me, I imagine that other people scroll through those tweets and make a deliberate decision that I am not worthy. Almost like we would be in a group and somebody introduces me and nobody acknowledges what just happened.

There’s no resentment or bitterness here. Just the acknowledgement that it is an unpleasant feeling to sit with. Especially when you didn’t invite these situations.

Updated: 9th February 2021 - Added clarification to the introduction.

December 2020. As my venus fly trap goes into dormancy, I poke fun at our other accidental traps.

The whole September I was quite overwhelmed with work and life. I remember that in September "The Social Dilemma" came out. I don't remember a lot more weirdly.

In October I managed to take two weeks off! Visited the Isle of Wight for the first time to celebrate my birthday. Last week I took some time off to study for my "Life in the UK" exam. I also took an English exam. And I passed both!! Now I have the basics to begin the process to apply for British citizenship.

Time is still blur. Some days are particularly hard. It is what it is.

Bookmarks related to tech or web development:

• Web accessibility checklist by Bruce Lawson.
• Digital gardens let you cultivate your own little bit of the internet by Tanya Basuarchive.
• Dyslexia friendly style guide by The British Dyslexia Association.
• Magnet Fingers by Charlotte Dann.
• SVG Line animation by Thea.
• A11y Coffee.
• Pocket pattern.
• How to make your VSCode sparkle by Monica Powell.
• How to audit your website on a budget.
• "Telling people to delete Facebook won’t fix the internet" by Adi Robertson.
• "How CSS Perspective Works" by Amit Sheen.
• "A framework for focusing your learning goals" by Sally Lait.
• "Tips on Making Sure Hidden Content is Accessible (or Not!)" by Scott Vinkle.
• Thread on Algorithms and Black Faces.
• "Data Privacy Exhaustion Is Real" by Simon Pitt.
• "Writing even more CSS with Accessibility in Mind, Part 2: Respecting user preferences" by Manuel Matuzovic.
• "The most useful accessibility testing tools and techniques" by Artem Sapegin.
• You've heard of tax havens. After Brexit, the UK could become a 'data haven' by Carissa Véliz.
• "Honor the ADA: Avoid Web Accessibility Quick-Fix Overlays".
• "Portals and giant carousels" by Jeremy Keith.
• "Why I Don’t Have Time For Your Coding Challenge" by Michelle Barker.

Other bookmarks:

• "Pom-poms and pig's bladders: the traditions of Germany's Black Forest – in pictures" by Mee-Lai Stone.
• "Candy-coloured photographs of LA's glorious hidden beauty by George Byrne" written by Katy Cowan.
• "Parents Got More Time Off. Then the Backlash Started." by Daisuke Wakabayashi and Sheera Frenkel.
• "How not to be an alien" By Frank Trentmann.
• Brexit/Ireland/Trade thread.
• "How Photo Retouching Worked Before Photoshop" by Jocelyn Sears.
• "Japan’s Lost Generation Is Still Jobless and Living With Their Parents" by Yoshiaki Nohara.
• "You Don’t Batch Cook When You’re Suicidal" by Jack.
• "The Overwhelming Racism Of COVID Coverage" by Indi Samarajiva.
• Buying Myself Back by Emily Ratajkowski.

When my Smashing Magazine article went live a couple of months ago a small discussion happened regarding my choice of words where I said I could have a  “one true version” of yourself online.

Behind my two extremes of either silence or self deprecating jokes, is a socially anxious human with baggage. I am not my “true self” online. I wish I was. But this, and I suppose this blog and my current social media activity, is indeed a true version of myself. Without any quote marks. But it is one of the many versions I have and they all have many things in common between them.

Behind “ohhelloana”

A name can be an important part of one's online identity and can be almost anything one chooses to represent themselves.

Quote from the page "name" in the IndieWeb wiki.

Many years ago, I wanted to be online without using my real name as I didn’t feel that it was completely safe for me. Not only that but Ana Rodrigues is a very common name so, in many popular websites, that username was already taken. I always liked speech balloons so this name came from that idea. And it was available almost everywhere! I would then use in the name fields something like “Ana R” in an attempt to deceive search results. It was around 2018 that I began to use the full surname in social media because around that time I began to give a couple of talks in meet-ups.

This domain, where this post lives, became the entry point from social media. When applying for jobs, I would redirect people to a domain that used my then legal name. It would still reference this blog somewhere but I was indeed creating two identities. Even if one of them was very easily discoverable (from my “professional domain” to this one), one would have to put in the effort. So two entry points: one more watered down for job prospects and with information that the recruiter would immediately want but keeping the door open if they wanted to know a bit more about myself as a person.

There were times where I thought I regretted this decision. It crossed my mind that having only one domain to represent me would be the best marketing (this whole sentence is a can of worms). I wondered if ohhelloana.blog was memorable enough. If I have a professional domain to apply for jobs, does this mean that this is my unprofessional domain? I wondered if I should buy all possible TLD combinations to ensure people would land here. In panic, I also bought ohhelloana.dev and anarodrigues.dev as soon as these became available. I wanted to be memorable without having to give up the illusion of privacy and safety that I created many years ago.

Overthinking this whole thing

Anyway, I feel very IndieWeb for having two different domains with two different information goals. Both represent me. I think a lot of people find themselves in this situation and it is a tiny bit harder when they work for the web.

For many of us, who work for the web, our domain is a way to stand out in the job market and, especially for freelancers, a way to secure gigs. A professional identity, a means to reach a goal. Perhaps a place where we can’t relax with ourselves as we become a product to be sold. From my perspective, it looks as if we allow our identity, our whole person, to perhaps glow a bit more in certain social media profiles while we truly constraint ourselves when it comes to our personal websites. It is interesting because in quite a few job interviews, you’re tested if you’re “a culture fit” (which is another can of worms).

This isn’t a criticism. In fact, for many people, this is the ideal and the expected thing. It fits their purpose and what they are comfortable with sharing and it is absolutely fine. It only becomes complicated when that isn’t the case.

The way I identify myself within the IndieWeb community is by this particular domain. I’m happy with that.

Lastly, Ana Rodrigues, is legally my old name. I decided to remove a couple of my names and add new ones some time ago. Isn’t that funny?

There’s no conclusion to this post. I don’t think there is a right or wrong answer. But this is my experience and how I am dealing with it right now.