When my Smashing Magazine article went live a couple of months ago a small discussion happened regarding my choice of words where I said I could have a  “one true version” of yourself online.

Behind my two extremes of either silence or self deprecating jokes, is a socially anxious human with baggage. I am not my “true self” online. I wish I was. But this, and I suppose this blog and my current social media activity, is indeed a true version of myself. Without any quote marks. But it is one of the many versions I have and they all have many things in common between them.

Behind “ohhelloana”

A name can be an important part of one's online identity and can be almost anything one chooses to represent themselves.

Quote from the page "name" in the IndieWeb wiki.

Many years ago, I wanted to be online without using my real name as I didn’t feel that it was completely safe for me. Not only that but Ana Rodrigues is a very common name so, in many popular websites, that username was already taken. I always liked speech balloons so this name came from that idea. And it was available almost everywhere! I would then use in the name fields something like “Ana R” in an attempt to deceive search results. It was around 2018 that I began to use the full surname in social media because around that time I began to give a couple of talks in meet-ups.

This domain, where this post lives, became the entry point from social media. When applying for jobs, I would redirect people to a domain that used my then legal name. It would still reference this blog somewhere but I was indeed creating two identities. Even if one of them was very easily discoverable (from my “professional domain” to this one), one would have to put in the effort. So two entry points: one more watered down for job prospects and with information that the recruiter would immediately want but keeping the door open if they wanted to know a bit more about myself as a person.

There were times where I thought I regretted this decision. It crossed my mind that having only one domain to represent me would be the best marketing (this whole sentence is a can of worms). I wondered if ohhelloana.blog was memorable enough. If I have a professional domain to apply for jobs, does this mean that this is my unprofessional domain? I wondered if I should buy all possible TLD combinations to ensure people would land here. In panic, I also bought ohhelloana.dev and anarodrigues.dev as soon as these became available. I wanted to be memorable without having to give up the illusion of privacy and safety that I created many years ago.

Overthinking this whole thing

Anyway, I feel very IndieWeb for having two different domains with two different information goals. Both represent me. I think a lot of people find themselves in this situation and it is a tiny bit harder when they work for the web.

For many of us, who work for the web, our domain is a way to stand out in the job market and, especially for freelancers, a way to secure gigs. A professional identity, a means to reach a goal. Perhaps a place where we can’t relax with ourselves as we become a product to be sold. From my perspective, it looks as if we allow our identity, our whole person, to perhaps glow a bit more in certain social media profiles while we truly constraint ourselves when it comes to our personal websites. It is interesting because in quite a few job interviews, you’re tested if you’re “a culture fit” (which is another can of worms).

This isn’t a criticism. In fact, for many people, this is the ideal and the expected thing. It fits their purpose and what they are comfortable with sharing and it is absolutely fine. It only becomes complicated when that isn’t the case.

The way I identify myself within the IndieWeb community is by this particular domain. I’m happy with that.

Lastly, Ana Rodrigues, is legally my old name. I decided to remove a couple of my names and add new ones some time ago. Isn’t that funny?

There’s no conclusion to this post. I don’t think there is a right or wrong answer. But this is my experience and how I am dealing with it right now.

The highlight of the month was: My article for Smashing Magazine went live!! Please read (and share if you think someone else would like it too)! 🤗

Bookmarks from August

Web development

• System UIcons by Corey Ginnivan.
• Transparent textures by Mike Hearn.
• Debugging HTML With Advanced CSS Selectors by Matthias Ott.
• Multiple drop-shadows on clipped element by Michelle Barker.
• Rainbow color selection by Louis Hoebregts.
• Drop-Shadow: The Underrated CSS Filter by Michelle Barker.
• Build vs Buy: Software Systems at Jurassic Park by Todd Gardner.
• Gradient angles in CSS by Nils Binder.
• Feature flags by Sunil Pai.
• Figuring out how to mark up a figure by Sebastian Greger.
• Convert HTML to Accessible PDF by Nick Colley.
• a11y is web accessibility by Eric W Bailey.
• Generative art by Ilithya.
• a11y-tests.css by Manuel Matuzovic.
• smoothscroll.css by Zach Leatherman.
• The difference between aria-label and aria-labelledby by Léonie Watson.
• Here’s what I didn’t know about “content” by Manuel Matuzovic.
• Incremental progress by Fluffy.
• Spirited Away CSS Illustration by Inès.
• RolandMC-500.css by Sarah Fossheim.
• Web History by Jay Hoffmann.
• Take Me On by Adam Kuhn.

Nice things on personal websites

• Adding Structured Book Data to My Blog Posts by Ana Ulin.
• Gratitude by Amberley Romo.
• My First Homebrew Website Club Meeting by James Gallagher.
• Being OK With Not Being Extraordinary by Tiffany Matthé.
• This website is killing the planet by Steve Messer.
• Personal Portfolio Refresh by Lisi Linhart.

Others

• A Permanent Nightmare’: Pinterest Moderators Fight to Keep Horrifying Content Off the Platform by Sarah Emerson.
• Structural Racism and it's Influence on GPs/Dermatologist by Harriet.
• The Pandemic Isn’t Forcing Moms Out of the Workforce — Dads Are by Jessica Valenti.
• You want people to do the right thing? Save them the guilt trip by Claudia R Schneider.
• Millennials Slammed by Second Financial Crisis Fall Even Further Behind by Janet Adamy.
• The Mesmerizing Geometry of Malaysia’s Most Complex Cakes by Samantha Chong.
• How social justice slideshows took over Instagram by Terry Nguyen.
• Ubisoft's #MeToo Reckoning, Two Months Later by Ethan Gach and Ash Parrish.
• When Polaroid Workers Fought Apartheid by Michael McCanne.
• Facebook algorithm found to 'actively promote' Holocaust denial by Mark Townsend.
• So you want to build antiracist teams? by Erica Stanley.
• A philosopher accused of sexual harassment started a company to advise on business ethics by Olivia Goldhill.
• On all that fuckery by Kat Fukui.
• A Message To TikTok Parents Who Use My Face To Make Their Kids Cry by Melissa Blake.
• Harassers are nice to me, and probably to you by Sarah Milstein.
• Britain can’t afford to miss this chance to clean up the web by Salma Shah. (Note: I didn't actually read this one because I don't have a subscription.)
• Activists and tech companies met to talk about online violence against women: here are the takeaways.
• Unconsenting Media.

Tweets

• What trauma sometimes is.
• Productivity Anxiety by Dani Donovan.
• Google sheets trick.
• On not being social.
• Edinburgh Samoyed Rescue.
• How the email finds me.
• Malicious compliance.
• Relatable alligator.
• On authors.
• Two types of dogs.

And now, in all honesty, my article was indeed the highlight of the month. Mostly because I struggled a lot with my mental health this past month. Maybe it is because I read a lot of unhappy things (my "others" section is nightmare fuel) but I can't help it. I can't just escape. Just a hopeless, powerless and anxious month. Hopefully this September I... feel better.

PS.: I am almost certain I missed some links here of awesome stuff friends did. I'm sorry... My brain isn't fully here recently.

Last week my article for Smashing Magazine went live! I was quite nervous and anxious but... so far nobody yelled at me - which is good! It was my first ever experience writing something slightly serious and going through an editing process.

I really want to be proud of myself: I wrote something in my second language and during a pandemic. I cried a few times because I felt like I couldn't do it but I... pushed through it. I read it so many times that I hated it at some point. Other times I read it and I thought "nice one Ana". Most times, I was so anxious about misrepresenting the IndieWeb community.

I accidentally may have sparked some discussion due to a couple of things I said - especially around identity.

I didn’t realize until this point how much it made sense to have a “one true version” of yourself online

Everything I wrote was based on me, my interpretation, my experience and how I wish to express myself ✨ on the internet ✨. The community welcomes anything one chooses to represent themselves. Which is interesting to me especially because when I joined the IndieWeb community I was hiding my surname on purpose. I want to reflect a bit more on the "one true version" and read what others have written on the topic before I share how I navigate these waters.

I learned a lot throughout the editing process. Frederick O'Brien really helped me make it much nicer compared to my first draft! The posts in this blog will never be as nice and polished as that one. So don't get used to that tone. Also, for the first time in my life I was asked what is the pronunciation of my last name: it is roo-dree-guhsh (I had to look up) - so thank you Fred!

A big thank you as well to my husband, Hactar friends and friends that read it before I sent it over. And, finally, thank you to everyone who took some minutes to message me, like it or share it. I am still very anxious and I really appreciate all the kindness.

Many of us, myself included, have made jokes about how we are our family’s tech support in an annoyed tone. I now regret those jokes. I wasn’t empathetic and I regret it.

We expect parental controls to help children navigate the internet. The funny thing is that children have been online for the same time as our parents and older generations have been. We’re very forgiving when a child orders thousands of pounds worth of fake game coins online but we’re not when it comes to the mistakes of older people. We shame them for falling into Nigerian Prince’s schemes, romance scams, virus and porn phishing emails. Catfish raised my generation and we have people our age doing stand up routines based on those scams - as if they are general knowledge. They are not.

How can I expect my parents to be tech-savvy when it was my generation (or my sister’s generation) the ones who introduced them to a computer or a phone? My parents have been “online” since 2012. I’ve been online since 2000.

I saw it all, either via direct experience or via friends telling me at school - you know… the grooming, chat roulettes, obscure forums, scams, illegal downloads, fake profiles, photoshopping, editing videos, fake emails, rumours, cyber-bullying. Only to be now trying hard to protect my parents from those things.

I have tech-savvy privilege. Plus I work in the industry. I know how many things are built hanging by thread and I’ve witnessed terrible decisions behind made for the sake of clicks.

The ageism in tech (you know, besides the sexism and racism) is also when you completely forget about a group of users. Decisions made by product and design teams have an incredibly strange consequence and end up being the but end of jokes. The “family tech support”. I must extend my understanding of the constraints here: more often than not, there isn’t the money or time to test with all the possible people who could use tech products and it won’t be people like my parents who would be in such testing groups either.

The ageism in tech is for example when your relatives call you because they can’t sign in anymore on a website (usually social media). So you try to explain to them how to find the form input fields. You ask them what they are seeing only to suddenly realise that they are on the page that creates a new account instead of sign-in. This isn’t about intellect. You’re not this superior being because you know how to sign-in on a website. Firstly, we’re probably seeing a design that is likely inaccessible due to colour contrast and hidden labels anyway and secondly is probably designed by someone who has been online for over 15 years now and we’re just used to the pattern. We, tech-savvys, are not special. We just have muscle memory.

Next, next, next, install

I’m an immigrant. I use a lot of “free” services to easily communicate with my family and friends regardless of what devices we use. A lot of people have mentioned this before, but the “rage quit social media” is a privilege. I tried it once for three months and we were miserable. The moment we don’t have the same apps to communicate, things like MMS don’t seem to work well between different operating systems of phones. They just want to communicate with me like… everyone else is communicating with everyone else. They are not going to be involved in a discussion about ethics and privacy of social media. I can’t blame them. Why would they? Why would they assume ill intentions of this medium of communication when they grew up with phones and things they could use without hidden consequences? There is no easy and cheap alternative way to communicate that works on all devices.

Privacy is a privilege - but i’m not going to start on that one right now but for example: I know that if I go to a website to buy something and if I click “confirm and pay” and nothing happens, it is probably because my ad-blocker is on and I have to turn it off.

I know about ad-blockers and I guarantee you that the majority of people don’t. The majority of people are not in dev twitter. The majority of people are on facebook and youtube and others. The majority of people don’t know about VPNs either let alone even afford them. And again, I am not superior or better than anyone else because I know about this.

No, people don’t have a choice

A while back my parents bought a new android phone. They called me and it was already set up. In that call they mentioned: “and my new email is something something”. I asked “why? What is wrong with the email I created for you?” and they explained: “at the phone shop, we asked the staff to set up our phone and it asked for email and password and I didn’t have a google account so they created a new one for me”.

When I say “to most people, Facebook is the internet” I don’t mean this in a patronising tone. I mean that when my parents bought that phone and were forced into a Google account, apps like Facebook and whatsapp were already installed. The majority of the people who didn’t grow up with the internet, especially those who don’t speak english, don’t know about browsers. To most people it is: “Look up on the internet”. And the internet is this thing and no app on their phone is called “internet”.

Speaking of which, the other day I picked up an android phone to test something in a browser and I couldn’t immediately find how to type an url… and I’m tech-savvy. I was stuck in the google dot com landing page.

Anyway... I was on “family tech support” today. A relative added a comment in the wrong photo and couldn’t figure out how to find it again and how to delete it. Admittedly, I struggled to find the page where I could see all the activity done by the person and find the correct post to even do this task and again... I'm “tech-savvy”.

When I signed in on their account I was horrified with what I saw. Their timeline was just scam ads, people selling fake goods, fake/clickbait news and there is nothing I can do to stop it and protect them from making a mistake. I can click and remove an ad as many times as I want but new ones creep in immediately after. Technically, you aren’t allowed to show the majority of these things on television but you clearly can on the “internet”. Why wouldn’t people assume that these things are regulated too?

I am not perfect. Sometimes I get annoyed with people and blurt out “how could you click in that?”, “of course that’s fake”, “just click on the button!!” and I’m not empathetic or patient. I’m just sad that we got to this point when sometimes all people want is to communicate and connect with their loved ones.

While this is just a ramble without any solution, the more I thought about this the more I tried to remove myself from “the website world” and the devices we use to be online. I started to think about the user interfaces that also have technology and that lots of people can use without as many complaints: ATMs, ticket machines, television or anything with a screen really. It’s interesting.

The internet and communication shouldn’t have a one way path with arrows pointing. And things won’t be fixed by only creating your own blog and sending your RSS feed to your parents. Things won’t be fixed either by burning all the evil websites. The problem is much deeper as it isn’t just websites: it’s operating systems, it’s protocols, it’s hardware, it’s software, it’s design, it’s internationalisation and more. It comes from meetings that only do personas of people who are in the building. It comes from copying what “bigger players” in the industry have done which we assume are the right patterns. If we raise our hands and say “look, there has to be a compromise as we can’t make things easy for everyone” then, in that case, the web isn’t for everyone.

I've been thinking about this bookmark page especially because styling wise it is incomplete and a bit ugly and one day someone will call me out. But that isn't the only thing I've been thinking about: all those days (almost all this year) when I thought that I've done nothing for myself or my career I like to come to my bookmarks page and scroll. The work in the links that I collect here wasn't done by me, but they were learned by me and that is progress and accomplishment. All these people contributed to expanding my views and to my growth. I'm proud of my small archive.

Bookmarks from July

Web development/tech related content

• Check your privacy privilege. by Heather Burns.
• Discrimination charges at Pinterest reveal a hidden Silicon Valley hiring problem by Katharine Schwab.
• Training and resources to help make your organisation more inclusive by Monzo.
• Chronicles of 2020 by Bea.
• Clipped Image Reveal on Hover by Katherine Kato.
• Performance - CSS Painting vs. CSS Houdini Paint API by Lisi Linhart.
• Accessibility for Product Managers by Peter van Grieken.
• Video Accessibility Demo by Paul J. Adam.
• Writing Cleaner CSS Transitions by Joe Bell.
• Accessibility Dont’s, Learn From Basic Mistakes in Web Design by Adam Laki.
• Style Stage by Stephanie Eckles.
• From Indieweb Monolith to Microservices by Vincent Pickering.
• Does my site deserve recognition? by Adrian Roselli.
• Float labels are problematic by Adam Silver.
• Web Accessibility Checklist by Bruce Lawson.
• Easings Are Rad by Adam Argyle.
• Feature Toggles (aka Feature Flags) by Pete Hodgson.
• Position: absolute by Julia Evans.
• You don’t need a media query for that: #1 Inline content separators by Mandy Michael.
• From Gatsby to Eleventy: Choosing a Static Site Generator for a Personal Site by Michelle Barker.
• Challenges and opportunities: Using the GOV.UK Prototype Kit for Back Office systems by Claudia Hopkins.
• Understanding CSS Multiple Backgrounds by Ahmad Shadeed.
• 7 Ways to make your Tweets more Accessible by Lindsey.
• Google Ad Portal Equated “Black Girls” with Porn by Leon Yin and Aaron Sankin.
• Building a Linktree in Webflow | Episode 2 of Webflow 101 by Sara Brunettini.
• The story of the Americans with Disabilities Act is all about bridges by Vilissa Thompson and David J. Johns.
• Doodle place by Lingdong Huang.
• It’s Good To Talk: Thoughts And Feelings On Creative Wellness by Jhey Tompkins.
• CS Visualized: CORS by Lydia Hallie.
• Moms in Tech Facebook group splintering over allegations of racism by Zoe Schiffer.
• Single div CSS cross stitch by Lynn Fisher.
• Build a dashboard with CUBE CSS by Andy Bell.
• Fluid Images in a Variable Proportion Layout by Lari Maza.
• 1-Line Layouts by Una.
• Single div colour wheel by Michelle Barker.
• WordPress is fine for tech blogging by Melissa McEwen.
• Piccalilli Newsletter - Issue #50 by Andy Bell.
• Webwaste by Gerry McGovern.
• Bookshelf by Gonçalo Morais.

Others

• Wave or waive game.
• I'm Scared to Learn New Things by John Paul Brammer.
• You can’t beat an unwinnable game, but you can break it by Joe Veix.
• Their tube.
• Parisian Baguette by Josh Nesbitt.

Tweets

• Representation of twitter arguments.
• Joke about capitalism, corona and the government.
• Cancel culture always existed for women.
• When you spend $100 on your cat.
• Sick and tired of the "I'm not a robot".
• Cat eating.
• For when we want to feel better about ourselves.
• Cat cube.
• Beautiful portfolio items.