Reading List

The most recent articles from a list of feeds I subscribe to.

One year of online-only

Oh Hello Ana

The one year anniversary of the "never-ending" March has just passed. One year ago, my co-organisers and I were in limbo on whether the events we were running would happen in person or not. That week I was helping to run a London CSS and an IndieWebCamp. Both events were moved to fully online at the last minute.

I always feel anxious when running events, especially when it was London CSS. The IndieWebCamp crowd is smaller and more familiar to me so I always felt more comfortable - which is why I took on two big events on the same week.

As both events happened before official lockdowns, we didn't know more than what the official authorities were saying. I remember our exchanges with the venues, writing up and drafting guidances as best as we knew and trying to update our attendees. We didn't know if the venues would pull last minute. Even if the events went ahead, we were concerned and terrified that someone could get ill from attending. Since I was running two events, I was having quick lessons and sharing as much information as possible.

For both events, at that point, we all knew we had to be safe than sorry. Sending the emails to move to online-only was, to me, really bittersweet, but also gut-wrenching as we knew that some people had made travel arrangements to come to London.

While IndieWebCamps usually have an online stream by default, that wasn't the case with London CSS - yet. Kevin did a lot of work, just a few days before the event, to set-up everything so that our online-only event would go through. For IndieWebCamp, I bought a second-hand camera lens worth £600 for £79! I was over the moon with that find! Never got to use it...

Both events went really well. It was a brand new flashy thing! We were all excited! Little did we know that it would definitely last more than two weeks.

Calum and I also moved Homebrew Website Club to online-only. At some point, we did it weekly! I look back and I can't believe we had that much energy!

There are lessons to be learned though. As I gave some nerve-wracking intros in London CSS, I tried to give emphasis on how hard it is to be welcoming online. When we all meet online, there's a good chance we're meeting with people we already know and it is really hard to include people who are just joining from behind a screen. I tried to explain, maybe with an odd choice of words, that in community events, we should leave private jokes behind to welcome everyone. I was somewhat speaking from experience. It is already hard enough in person to get courage and ask to join a group in the social bit of a conference/meet-up, let alone online where everyone is typing faster than you or you're just too afraid to interrupt a video call to say "hello".

While hosting the Homebrew Website Club, I've been trying different ways to prompt someone new who joined our video call. Some people prefer to watch and don't say much. Others will present themselves. Others would prefer if the host prompts them for an introduction. We're all trying our best.

During this last year. there were lots of lessons on moderation. Lessons on how to use tools to apply the code of conduct online instead of in-person. But also, lots of opportunities to connect with people who wouldn't be able to join in-person. Not only people from other countries or cities but also parents or caregivers. There's still work to be done here: many parents of little ones, still need to work around dinner and bedtimes. Maybe we can push further and explore other timings for events that are not immediately after working hours.

Since March, I attended and bought a few tickets to other conferences. However, I didn't necessarily attend all of them. Knowing that the videos are there to re-watch anytime I want, mean that I have postponed that task. I've been drained and exhausted from being online, at home, all the time. I wonder if this is a trend among organisers.

As of this year, knowing that London CSS is in excellent hands, I decided to leave the organisation team and I don't personally plan on organising another IndieWebCamp. I may be biased, but I really recommend those events. I'm still around for Homebrew Website Club every two weeks (unless cancelled).

And while we don't meet in person, if you're an event organiser, spend some time and learn how you can make your future events safer.

Stay safe friends!

Catching up on my bookmarks

Oh Hello Ana

The thing about loss is that it just doesn't seem to end. It gets easier though. One day you wake you and you're feeling fine but one insignificant action somehow opens the gates for the sadness to creep in. And then that's it. The floodgates open and the tears come out.

If I thought the last months of 2020 were somewhat hard, January really proved me wrong. I do regret that I neglected my monthly bookmarks post. I've been wondering if I should start sharing the bookmarks individually like some folks do so that it doesn't pile up. I will think about it.

I'm sure I accidentally missed some bookmarks - a consequence of delaying sharing them. I hope that I can catch up on my missed bookmarks in my next post. It is also likely that I accidentally missed some posts from friends. Being online hasn't been a priority for me.

Take care friends.

Bookmarks related to tech or web development

Other bookmarks

My typical day

Oh Hello Ana

Hidde invited me to share what my typical day looks like. I saw the chain going around and I read a few from people I know. I thought it was really interesting and I had a strange feeling of relief when I read about real humans and the fact that, actually, they are very similar to me!

It is a bit silly, but I always imagine that everyone else is constantly switched on and creating things. I mean, social media gives that illusion and my own insecurities feed it, but this pandemic really made me feel ashamed for taking it easy.

8:30 My husband's alarm goes off. But realistically, I'm usually a little bit awake since half-past six because that's the time my cat comes to check if I am awake. I also live in an area that has some traffic, so I wake up really easily with any noise. Once the alarm goes off, she starts meowing and jumping on us because she knows it is absolutely fair game. Around this time, I get up, put the collar on my cat, top-up her food and open her catflap. I hate when I don't make the bed so I usually make it around this time, have a shower and have coffee (my husband usually makes it and leaves it on my desk).

I usually have my coffee while checking my emails, social media, RSS feed and the news but many times I take the coffee outside and go to my garden. Around this time I check if we were visited by foxes or other cats during the night, examine how my flower bed is doing and just look at my cat wandering around and smelling things.

9:30 Work starts around this time. I share what I did the day before, what I'm going to do today and, if I need something from someone on the team, this is usually the moment I let everyone know in advance so that they can plan their work too. But most importantly, I tell people what I dreamt the night before!

Screenshot of my slack with a search query with the words I dreamt from me. Showing a total number of messages to be 71.

We also do team updates on video calls, but since we already shared our day, we usually do fun and informal conversations. If I had a really incredible dream (which is very often by the way), I don't write it out and this is the moment where everyone is forced to listen to it.

A great part of the morning is spent on calls (either with teammates or clients) but that actually works for me as I need some time to get into productive mode.

13:00 I try to use my lunch break for a quick walk in the common. Sometime last year, I completely lost my appetite and energy to think about lunch so I normally grab a quick and small bite and do more frequent fruit snacks during the day instead. I don't recommend this. Sometimes I also use this walk to run some quick errands. I usually listen to music that makes me want to sing and think about how much I miss karaoke with friends.

If the weather isn't great, I use this time to write on my drafts and jot down thoughts that I would like to maybe one day convert into a blog post.

14:00 Work time. This is usually my most focused time. Similar to Cassie, I have lots of herbal tea and listen to music that helps me focus. I personally use Noizio or my own playlist with my favourite music from The Rasmus. I explored this before: I usually focus really well if I am listening to music that brings me positive nostalgia, especially if I am doing a complicated task. Probably placebo, but I will not fight against it.

Some days, my anxiety and feelings from "life happens" creep in and I end up feeling extremely guilty for not being super productive. I try to catch up on work whenever I can so sometimes I feel like I did 8 hours of work in one afternoon. Other times... not so much.

18:00 I try to wrap up around this time and turn off my laptop. Halfway through last year I felt incredibly burned out from constantly being on my laptop at home so unless I am on a tight deadline, I will turn off my computer. There is also another exception: every other Wednesday, there's Homebrew Website Club, so from this time on, I try to write or work on my blog and then participate in the call.

From this moment on, I close the cat's catflap, take off her collar, play with her (she demands it like a dog!), do some home admin, check out my indoor plants (especially my Venus Fly Trap and whatever I'm trying to get roots from in a jar of water) and call my family.

19:00 Cooking and dinner time! My husband and I take turns in cooking. I feel more adventurous to try new recipes on Fridays and Saturdays - in case it goes wrong, there's always a takeaway option. And the cat also has her dinner!

I light up whatever candle I have in progress (I love candles), we chat about work, do the dishes and usually end the evening watching series together. This is also the time I ask my husband to read things I've written. We have a couple of shows "in progress". I know I am ten years too late, but we're now watching Breaking Bad. I prefer to watch films on the weekends.

While we watch things, I do some knitting. I'm currently doing a summer cardigan!

21:30 Around this time, I start getting ready for bed. First things first: pick up the cat's litter box. Then, my sort of inefficient yet harmless, skincare routine. I have extremely sensitive skin and once I find a product that doesn't cause an allergic reaction, I will not switch.

One of my solid routines is telling the cat "come to bed Jessie" and see her running past me and jump on the bed to her sleeping area (yes, she has a sleeping nest that I do for her on the bed).

I wish I could say I have an inspiring adult way of going to bed: but no. I do use my phone. And I do watch some TikToks. I also catch up on some things I bookmarked during the day that I wanted to revisit when I had more time.

Despite going to bed quite early (and eventually putting my phone down!), I struggle to fall asleep. My mind goes to a lot of places.

Other random facts:

  • My favourite day is Thursday because it is rubbish day and I love taking the rubbish out.
  • I miss the gym every day. I hate exercising at home and I don't like exercising. I see it as a task and because it is an unpleasant task, I will not do it if I have to do it at home. I need the gym to feel accountability. I also don't like running.
  • Saturday is the day I catch up on the shows that my husband and I don't watch together (he does the same).
  • I also play Fantasy Football so, Fantasy Football deadlines are a thing for me (along with knowing the scores).
  • I run an Instagram page for my cat, so recently, I've been trying to snap a photo of her and post it.

At first, I was afraid that this chain would create some "productivity shame". I truly hope that at least my post doesn't. I struggle a lot many days. This pandemic hasn't been easy on anyone. January was, personally, a devastating month for me - if anyone judges me for the lack of content I put out there, then that's a problem with their unrealistic and false expectations.

My husband, my cat, my plants, my little journals, my candles, my friends and family are what's bringing me comfort these times.

Whatever you're doing, please do it for yourself. Realistically, nobody is expecting anything from anyone.

I'd love to see the chain going and reading more from more people. I'd like to invite Calum, Suze and Carol to share theirs if they want to.

Have a good weekend folks!

Unsolicited rejection

Oh Hello Ana

Every once in a while I realise that I have been rejected for something I didn’t even apply for.

A couple of jobs ago, I was in the common area having lunch when a work colleague asked me if I had a Twitter account. “Yes”, I replied and told him my Twitter handle. I saw him scrolling on his phone and, after a minute, he looked at me and said: “wow, you don’t post anything about tech” whilst frowning. I don’t remember if I replied but I do remember, a few minutes later, checking my phone and noticing he didn’t follow me. It wasn’t that this person didn’t follow me, it was that this person actively looked up my profile, scrolled through, then voiced their disappointment in me out loud and “rejected” me.

I felt embarrassed and judged and it was an interaction that I never forgot. I internalised that interaction so hard that, six years after, it still bothers me and makes me judge my own social media activity from the “tech gaze” point of view.

Realistically, I understand that my feed (and me as a person) will not please everybody but this wasn’t really a stranger. This was someone who worked closely with me and, unsolicitedly, judged me and rejected me.

The unsolicited rejection was a frequent thing growing up as a woman but lately, it has taken a new form as I became a bit more active in the tech community.

Recently, I received a Twitter notification saying that I was tagged in a tweet. A wonderful friend of mine replied to someone who was asking recommendations for blog articles and the person asking was someone with quite a big following and, I suppose, popularity.

I was truly flattered that my friend thought of me, of all people, and I got a little bit excited at the idea that someone who is respected in the community could read what I wrote and appreciate it.

But nothing happened. Not even a “like” from the original poster. I felt embarrassed. Heck, I felt embarrassed that I noticed that it didn’t even get a “like”. I thought I was cooler than that. I wondered what happened. Did they click my blog post and thought “what a load of crap”? I felt a new flavour of shame that I wasn’t unfamiliar with but until that point, I couldn’t really explain it.

This had happened before when I am tagged in tweets that ask people to suggest “women in tech” to follow. Not that I am tagged frequently (at all), but the few times that I am, that has never resulted in a new follower. Did the original poster see my profile and thought “wow she sucks”? In the back of my mind, I’m always reminded of that interaction I had six years ago. I imagine someone perusing through my profile and thinking that I am not qualified.

When these types of tweets came out, I was flattered that someone thought of me. But the mental note still existed: someone rejected me when I didn’t even ask for it.

On the other hand, I understand now that many of these tweets are clout chasers. They are written by, usually, men, who want to do some performative work to pretend they care about diversifying their timeline. By having a popular tweet, and because a lot of people interacted with it in good faith, the social media algorithm works in their favour to promote their own account while also getting “ally” points. I’m sure they mute their own tweet immediately after posting it. This might explain it, but the rejection is still there.

When my inner critic is on and ready to hurt me, I imagine that other people scroll through those tweets and make a deliberate decision that I am not worthy. Almost like we would be in a group and somebody introduces me and nobody acknowledges what just happened.

There’s no resentment or bitterness here. Just the acknowledgement that it is an unpleasant feeling to sit with. Especially when you didn’t invite these situations.

Updated: 9th February 2021 - Added clarification to the introduction.

Traps

Oh Hello Ana

December 2020. As my venus fly trap goes into dormancy, I poke fun at our other accidental traps.