For my daughter, I've been buying second-hand as much as possible. If it can be washed and disinfected, it will be second-hand. She loves noisy books right now, so I've been getting some cheap books from Vinted and charity shops. The other day I found a noisy book in a charity shop for £1, but I couldn't test it. I assumed the batteries had died, so I still bought it. I was right regarding the batteries - they were dead - but after replacing them, I still couldn't get the book to work. I've wanted to learn how to fix small home appliances, so I thought this would be an excellent first project.

I've made quite some mistakes along the way, so I will share them here, hoping that someone does not make them! The book is now fixed and working, but I did waste some time fixing the wrong things. The first thing I did was search YouTube for videos showing how to fix noisy books. I found two of them, and they were interesting but threw me in the wrong direction. The first video showed how to replace the speaker in a noisy book. Like me, they replaced the batteries, but pressing the buttons still didn't produce any sound, so they showed how to solder a new mini speaker into the book.

So, of course, that's what I did! I got an intro kit into soldering, bought a mini speaker and began the task of soldering this new speaker. I spent time learning how to do it on YouTube and then tried it. It was not easy, but fascinating. Once that was done, I tested it out, and it was still not working. Bummer.

The second YouTube video showed me someone testing things out and replacing the chip that holds the sounds because the chip was dead. In my head, this made sense. There are only three items here: batteries, chip and speaker. If a new speaker and batteries are in, the problem must be the chip.

Things would get more complicated if it were the chip, but I was keen to learn! But it was time to ask for help. I tooted on Mastodon asking for help and was reminded that FFConf's discord server has a hardware help channel.

Remy asked if I had a multimeter. (which I didn't). He followed:

"You should have continuity through the speaker if it's working - also useful to test if the voltage is coming in. Since the chip is under a resin blob, it's hard to think the chip is gone/bad, but if that's the case, I'm sure I've seen boards like this on Alix (and I'll take a look for you)."

I bought a multimeter. A tip shared by Sarah was to get one that makes beep-beep sounds so that you don't have to look at the screen. At this point, I had exceeded the cost of buying this type of book brand new, but the thought of saving this one from landfill was very exciting.

It was tough to find a YouTube video that showed how to use a multimeter in this scenario, and of course, I wasn't using it right. Remy very kindly annotated the photo I provided, which helped me understand how to use the multimeter to check for continuity. All the beep-beep was there, so continuity wasn't an issue. It was time to test the voltage.

There are three batteries, but I was only getting a little over 2V. Remy said that it was too low and should be around 4.5v. Okay, we're getting somewhere. Using the multimeter, I checked if the batteries were full (they were), and I also took a close-up photo of the battery holder just in case. Remy spotted the culprit quickly. There was some corrosion in the metal. He then dropped pieces of wisdom:

"This would add resistance and reduce the voltage being delivered. (...) put a very small amount of white vinegar in a pot/glass pot and put in the microwave for about 15 seconds - doesn't need much more. then drop those two metal tabs in there. it should fizz for a bit, it'll remove the corrosion - then dry them off (really well), replace and test. (battery corrosion is alkaline, and vinegar is acid, so mix the two => water)."

So I did that. Then, the voltage was over 4v. Then I assembled it all, and it worked!! It worked!! I was over the moon! I was disappointed that I misidentified the cause of the issues but glad I learned something. But most importantly, it is saved from landfill!

After assembled, I fixed the paper with green self adhesive paper I had left over from other crafts.

Thanks Remy and everyone who replied to my toot! I'm super happy I was able to fix this. Also, I was wondering if I could make a custom noisy panel for my girl. Something like a family member's face, and if she presses, something we say plays. That would be cool!

Lessons learned:

• You can do this!
• Don't be afraid to ask for help!
• Don't assume the first solution YouTube tells you is the right one if you don't know the basics.
• Basics matter!

I’ve had a long year. I spent the first half on maternity leave and struggled quite a bit. Raising a baby is hard enough, and then adding the constant worry of milestones and development, their health, getting all the information to ensure you’re doing things right, all the apps and books, weaning, the comparison, etc., is a full-time job. Then my dad suddenly died, and I found myself having another caregiver role of supporting my mum. Luckily, I wasn’t alone in this; my sister and brother-in-law were also there and did a lot. But at the end of my maternity leave and the first months of returning to work, I was constantly making sure things were okay with Mum and with the baby. And then working all while travelling back and forth to Portugal. The baby started nursery, and although she settled well, the germs made their way in, and we were all constantly ill. I’ve lost track of the number of flights to Portugal and the number of stays in hospitals this year alone.

I don’t remember the first 3 months back at work. I remember feeling deeply insecure in the first months, looking up if the code I was writing was still the best practice. This meant that I was taking longer to do tasks. During summer, I was trying to get my spark back, whatever that means. I had an idea for a talk, which I had been excited about for a while, and I decided to work on it. I was super happy to have been invited to present it in a few places, and it was the drive I needed. The talk gave me joy and a purpose. I suppose the sun helped me continue to push through. We had a little holiday at home, but we all got sick, and the infection was so rough that my husband lost his voice (and at the time of writing, it still isn’t fully back). A CT scan showed that, thankfully, nothing sinister was going on. Just very unlucky. But it was an anxious wait. Communicating at home was hard, but again, we pushed through.

Then, sometime in October, things took a turn. A close friend of mine had their father pass away unexpectedly, too. They found themselves in a similar position as I did in March, getting a last-minute flight and helping their mum. And that was the trigger. I was deeply sad for my friend and was not prepared for how my grief would suddenly take over me. I barely cried from the moment I landed in Portugal for my dad’s funeral. I was in support mode. But from this moment on, it was game over for me.

I broke down every single day until my talk at FFConf. I had dreams all the time where he was still alive, and it was business as usual. I spent my lunch breaks crying. I started not to be able to sleep, so the struggle at work followed. Then, the baby would get sick from nursery germs, so everything started to fall apart. I was angry at myself that I was suddenly not coping. Feeling unproductive absolutely destroys every single positive thought I have of myself. I felt useless, a waste of space, a nuisance. And I was sad, and I missed my dad.

On top of this, since I stopped breastfeeding, I’ve been struggling with PMDD. Every month, for two weeks, I feel physically and emotionally drained. It’s been all too much, and I feel deeply ashamed.

I feel ashamed because other people are going through worse, so I should be coping better.

I felt ashamed because I didn’t feel intelligent or productive or that my comeback to work after maternity leave was a success.

I felt ashamed when I realised I needed to speak with work and explain that I wasn’t okay and needed a break.

Not so long ago, a friend messaged me saying that I was on fire (that was a reaction to me giving talks at conferences). I was somehow glad that it looked like that, but I felt a bit icky that it wasn’t the reality, and it felt dishonest. While I feel ashamed that I am “not on fire” in a good way, I am indeed “on fire” in a bad way. I guess I am burned out.

So here I am, on an “extended holiday”, trying to figure out how to move past this bump. The crying is improving, but I know this first Christmas without him will be difficult.

I am trying to take time for myself and do one thing at a time. Maybe, finally, give journaling a go! Who knows!

The title of this post is inspired by the book I am currently listening to, “Daring Greatly” by Brené Brown. And if the opposite of shame is vulnerability, here I am waving my arms, telling you, “Hey… things suck over here and sharing it might change what people think of me for the worst, but what can I do? I exist with all my goodness and my faults.”

Two weeks ago, I spoke at FFConf. Yes! Me! Last year, I made a little shy appearance in one of Sophie's slides, but it was the big deal this year.

I mentioned in a toot a while back how special FFConf is for me. Years ago, my friend Paul told me about it, and it turned out to be a life-changing conference.

I was disheartened with the industry and tech community at the time (I think this was in 2016). The talks I saw and the people I met throughout the years were the inspiration and acceptance I desperately needed to find.

I even found my current job by chatting with people there. Someone told me about this agency, and I should say "hi". I did, and it turns out they were hiring!

As you can imagine, I was over the moon that I was invited to speak there after applying to their call for papers.

The topic was the same as The State of the Browser, but I changed the slides and demo based on feedback received and my own perception after watching the video. I also added a new demo at the end!

One of my last slides was a thank you to one of the talks from the previous years that really moved me at the time. In 2018, Tim Holman's talk showed us some enjoyable demos. Then he compiled what he learned from building some seemingly "useless things". He ends with "any idea you have has value". So there I was, on a stage, sharing what I learned from building a karaoke in the browser.

Unlike the previous years at FFConf, I was extremely nervous this year. My head was over the place during the day. I was the penultimate speaker, so I could relax and enjoy Salma's talk.

Now, I plan to watch all the videos of the other talks when they come out so that I can properly enjoy them.

Trys Mudford took photos of the day and wrote a lovely recap. So did Amy and Remy!

This has been one of the highlights of my (quite crappy) year. I hope I contributed to people feeling as happy at the end of the day as I felt all these years as an attendee. Thank you to everyone who came to say hi before and after the talk! My heart is full!

If you saw the talk and have any feedback/criticism/suggestions, please use the form below this post and share it with me. The form won't appear if you're part of the cool people who are reading this via RSS feed hehe.

Some weeks ago, I was so privileged to have been invited to chat about myself and my blog at Manu's new series, People and Blogs. I really enjoyed following someone else's prompts. I never rationalised some decisions about this blog out loud, so it was a fascinating exercise.

Since then, I've been thinking about how I need to bring my bookmarks back, how my voice and thoughts matter to me and how I need to branch off and read more from people who don't work in tech.

I've been trying hard for the last few months to find a balance between work, my mental health, quality family time and returning to the tech community after maternity leave, but I haven't made much space to write here.

On a related note, Matthias Ott has a new newsletter called Own Your Web, and recently, Matthias asked, "If you have a personal website: how did it change your life?". I replied with: "@matthiasott oh! Things I've been invited to do were because of my website, especially articles and interviews. Also writing, quoting and linking to other people's work on my website has led me to actually meeting them in person later on in conferences which is lovely."

This reflection and my interview with Manu make me want to hug my blog.

Check the whole series because reading everyone else's interviews has given me so much joy!

With Twitter imploding and people (myself included) trying to move to multiple similar apps, I was following everyone I knew numerous times. It may not look like it, but I can be a bit shy! If we're "Twitter/conference friends", you probably noticed me clicking the follow button on at least three new platforms. Then, some social anxiety creeps in!

"Oh, I liked my friend's post on Mastodon. Should I also like and share it on the other platform they also shared it?"

"Oh no, this person only follows me back on this platform, but not on the other. Do they hate me?"

"Am I being annoying?"

"Where do I post this mediocre attempt at a joke?" (actually, the answer for that is your personal website.)

While I am content with Mastodon (I've had an account since 2017), I did sign up for Threads and BlueSky. I will probably sign up for whatever else comes along because, you know… FOMO. Turns out I had forgotten about our old friend LinkedIn, which is also where everyone is!

I initially created an account in 2012 and kept it until 2016 or 2017. At that point, I had amassed hundreds of connections. I was also a young woman, so a few previous male co-workers constantly crept on me, from frequently visiting my profile to even drunk messaging me (yes, on LinkedIn). At that time, I wasn't using my last name online and was keen to protect my privacy and location, so having a profile where anyone could see where I was for 8 hours a day did not make sense. It was a time of my life when I was going through lots of anxiety, so I deleted my account.

I just remembered about LinkedIn in mid-pandemic. I created a new account, added my current co-workers and some close friends and realised I only had 11 connections. I felt… a bit concerned about how it would make me look. The pandemic and life gave me lots more to worry about, so I forgot about LinkedIn again until a couple of weeks ago.

A friend messaged me, telling me something happened to them on LinkedIn, and I decided to log in. Turns out more people I know are on it (obviously!). More people to follow and add! And my number of connections is still tiny. What does that say about me? In 2023! Social media anxiety is back!

"Okay, so LinkedIn is, in theory, the professional side of social media. Am I being too much for adding this person I have only interacted with on Twitter?"

"This recommended person, I know them and have worked with them, but.. We haven't spoken in years. What should I do?!"

"I follow this person on four other social media platforms. Will I come across as overly keen if I click "follow here too??"

Anyway - I did click in a few! I even saw some posts from the State of the Browser that I was mentioned in.

But this got me thinking. Dang, what could have happened if creepy men weren't bothering me back in the day? Could I have kept connections with lovely people I have actually worked with in the past? Most aren't active on tech Twitter or these new platforms.

Because let's be realistic: before Twitter imploded, tech Twitter was/is very much only a Twitter thing. Most people I have ever worked with don't care about Twitter. And quite frankly, some of them were the best people I ever worked with. But they are all on LinkedIn. And I wasn't for years because I felt I had to get away to feel safe. How unfair. What opportunities could I have missed because of this?

There's a lot of crap on LinkedIn. It is its own meme, but something tells me that these new microblogging platforms will come and go, but LinkedIn will still be there with its own cursed vibe.

Anyway, if we have actually met, feel free to add me on LinkedIn!